Watch the Nations

p.s. Dallas

2009-02-28T14:05:00.001-08:00

BY THE WAY, 2 weekends ago I made a trek down to Dallas...yeah I just got to OKC a month ago, and just moved into my urban apartment about 12 days ago...but I had made a commitment to a group of believers in Dallas about 2 or 3 months ago to come, and didn't want to break it despite how exhausted I was (am).

Long story short, I like this guys thoughts named Frank Viola. You may not like him but I do. And fast forwarding a bit more, I was reading his blogs, website stuff, etc and then went from link to link surfing around. I came to another site, I think it was house church resource dot org or something like that...or maybe one of the organic church sites...(as much as I hate to say just google it...just google it...) anyhoo I saw this conference that sounded cool called a "Greenhouse." I called a guy named Joseph, and I was impressed when he connected with me for more than 45 mins over the phone, rather than the usual 30 seconds you get when you call most churches, ministries, etc that are ran more like a business. Heart to heart stuff. Guy to guy, straight up stuff. Really cool dude. And nut-shelling-stuff again, I wasn't able to make it for that trip at the time, this was last-fall-ish. But, he had invited me to just come down another time, which wound up being last weekend.

Nothing earth shattering necessarily, but, nothing just ho-hum either. I slept at Joseph's place...ate with him (a monstreously huge burger at this one place it was perhaps in my top 5 favorite burgers ever) and hung out a lot. He poured a lot into me...had some tips, advice, but not too pushy about it...and I went with him to some settings where believers were crying out to Jesus in living rooms throughout the DFW Metro area, which is a huge area I may add.

They have lots of cool ideas about how to be "missional communities" of Jesus followers. They've planted small fellowships of believers worshiping God in homes...in inner city ghetto's, amongst Vietnamese refuge's flocking to Dallas, amongst HIV-AIDS victims, etc. Cutting edge, frontline stuff that little-to-no-one in the American church touches no matter what side of whatever fence you sit on...and I admit I especially liked seeing my bro's and sis's that are in what many call "the emergent Church" not just reforming the Church but loving people "out there" too. Cool, cool, cool stuff. Really cool.

And I kinda sorta want to do something like that...that connects to my quest in OKC...I want to find out what authentic Christianity looks like...the ultimate blend of encountering God literally (i.e. Glory shining on street corners, face to face with a God brighter than the sun, etc) and loving people ridiculously while still not getting cropped down with religious parameters...but yet still going after things, too, and not just avoiding religion...make sense??? It's ok if not...it doesn't even make sense, fully, to me yet...all I know is that I'm journeying deep inside of me rather than journeying geographically to the other hemisphere...I want the real deal, and refuse to settle for the system just because that is the status quo. At times lately I feel like I've potentially gone really far backwards...I've not used WTN to build a huge machine or program and in doing so, well, it's not funded much at all anymore, I'm not known in many places anymore, etc...yet, perhaps I've at least stumbled and crawled an inch or two closer to the goal, of fighting for a fully true Jesus-group of people somewhere in this planet. What does that even flippin mean though??? Let's find out...

yeah...Dallas...great stuff...

Urban Missions OKC

2009-02-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

Hi all...

I'm living in OKC...yeah, wild.

More on all of it...soon....Lord willing...but basically for this season I'm entering into USA / Urban / inner city missions work.

Here's a link on who I am working with, once on their site check out the "news link" (it should be in red) for current info:

http://refugeokc.wordpress.com/

wrap up on KC trip

2009-01-04T16:53:00.001-08:00

I loved the drive back down to Oklahoma today. The desolate Kansas countryside reminded me of my Midwest upbringing as literally thousands of geese flew above us into the sight of a sunset equally mixed with orange and purple and red splashed across a tall set of clouds, and the sight painted a picture that brought the 3 of us in the car nearly speechless. I love trips like this, and all the little perks like that along the way.

Today wrapped up the conference, but our day was actually spent in a house. We wound up having a spontaneous time of worship and prayer. My friends parents had expressed some challenges they were having in finding a body of believers they could worship with. Week after week after week, the large mega-church bodies they visited offered them no relationship---even after months of faithful "attendance" at each body, they were totally unknown. As about maybe 10 or so of us were in the living room (it was such a cool mix of people from different states & sub-cultural characteristics from southern country folk to east coast artsy people) hanging out, it was as if this burden of theirs dropped into all our hearts and we began to carry it with them. The words, "can we pray for you" were on the tip of my tongue, but another lady beat me to it---which was likely the kindness of God reminding me He lets other people hear things too and it never is just my idea because He can give it to someone else.

Soon, this small group of us were declaring a new future over that home. Tears began to fall from over half the room, as a cleansing tide of encouragement flooded the room, and the barren wasteland of lifeless Christianity was being washed in a wave of love. The prayers, initially, were for the sake of my friends parents, but they were quickly reciprocated and we were mutually edified as we walked in a cooperative form of worship in which all are free to participate. Great freedom & hope gripped all our hearts as we could see the evidence of a God moment in the room.

And in this midst of it a relational bridge was built for a few to connect with each other on a continual basis...in other words, it seemed possible that this has all the potential to be a home that opens it's doors to it's region for the sake of loving Jesus and loving God's people. I'm careful to not say "we planted a house church" not because I should be abashed of that, but, because that isn't necessarily the goal or aim....it was just Jesus and a group of His kids in prayer but something happened.

That being said, I just see a unique redundancy in our need to open our homes up to our communities and to the Holy Spirit.

Also, this weekend really continued to cultivate a renaissance of my hope, calling, and dreams. Being around those that are chasing & blazing & moving and shaking things is a huge encouragement. I made some connections with some people & places that make me look forward to seeing the possibilities play out. At times I could just see myself jumping in a car every week or month or whatever and just going house to house in all the cities I possibly can, and just love God and love people. Tons of fun. I'm waiting to hear back on a few things, but, there are some more tentative plans for travel coming up. More soon!

10 p's

2009-01-03T16:44:00.000-08:00

Here at the Luke 18 Conference, they set out some practical insight this afternoon about how to contend for revival and see a movement of God shake the earth. It really registered with my heart, and many elements of this are things I want to implement into establishing communities of people who seek Jesus and love people. I took notes here on my laptop so I thought I'd just copy and paste to try to keep you posted in an easier way again:

1. Pray & Fast
2. Plan ahead
3. Prepare for the “Unknowns”
4. Pray together
5. Plunge deep into the committed
6. Pursue Community
7. Publicize the gathering / ministry (get the word out)
8. Praise together (worship)
9. Produce leaders (sacred charge)
10. Plant more movements

Also, today I had an uncanny coffee-shop chat with a group of bro's and sis's. One guy I met said that "I want to see us be able to seek Jesus in continual prayer while in the middle of Muslim nations. I want to see a marriage of intimacy with evangelism." It was like he stole the words out of my mouth! In literally about 20 minutes of knowing him I added him as a friend on Facebook! I also met a young lady who is connected with a group of house churches that are burning for Jesus from their homes and reaching out to their communities here in the KC area. That is also spot on for who / what I want to be connected with and do. So often I feel like it's nearly impossible to articulate what it is I do or want to do, and even more difficult to find anyone else in the world that wants to blend all these things together like I do. It's been a massive encouragement to connect with these people, and I feel like it's helping me lay good groundwork for '09.

Luke 18 Conference in KC

2009-01-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm in KC again. I just sent an email to some friends of mine and I thought to copy and paste part of it for everyone real quick to save me some time in trying to stay up to speed with everyone, so here it is:

I'm writing once again from inside the prayer room at the Kansas City House of Prayer. My good buddy Brandon had invited me to join him for the "Luke 18" conference, a sort of off-shoot from the IHOP ministry here. A few Saturdays ago I had received one of the more accurate prophetic words I've had in some time (in many areas besides what I can mention here) and pertinent to this email he made mention about how I need to "link arms with other brothers in this season" and a few days later the call came to come here. That had already been brewing in my heart, and so here I am. Last night as we had some brilliant chat time at a Starbucks & then his mom and dads place with some other young adults who love Jesus, I felt a deep "re-alignment" in my purpose here on the earth. Just being on the road again, going somewhere--anywhere, has felt like a gift of God. Really, I'm simply here to learn from and connect with people; although simply doing that cultivates so much in my heart for dream and purpose. I absolutely love going from house to house and entering into relationship with people and trying, as imperfect as our words are, to talk about the beauty & battle of following Jesus. My hope is that in this time here Papa will speak to me as I truly long for even just one short sentence to find His clear direction in my life.

I can't help but shortly digress of a lyric they are singing in this moment of their 24/7 worship, "Death has no hold on me, Sin has no hold on me, YOU have the victory." In 2008, I felt like the Lord said I was like a seed that had to go into the ground and die in order to be fit for the Kingdom of God. As typical as it may be to have a 2009 wish or word, I have this hope that what is ahead of me this year will certainly be better than the death of heart I faced in this last year, and I'm choosing to run after that hope we have in HIM with all that I've got left.

Thanks for standing with me,
lots of love
Nate

Trying to describe WTN...again...

2008-12-23T20:01:00.000-08:00

I've really been extremely evasive so many times in rendering any potency to what exactly WTN is, what the vision is, etc. In the last email, I started a process of trying to correct that, as in this season I'm hoping to really link arms with a number of people who have the same passion I do to see the beauty of Jesus brought to every crook and cranny of the earth. I want to continue to do a bit more of that in this blog.

I read this verse about 2 weeks ago, and it was as if I wondered why in the flippin' world I had never looked at it before: "The Lord said to the man clothed in linen, 'Go in among the wheels beneath the cherubim. Fill your hands with burning coals from among cherubim and scatter them over the city'. And as I watched, he went in." Ezekiel 10:2

WOW! It's hard for me to find words to say what is moaning and groaning inside of me for what I want to do...but this verse really epitomizes a lot of it....1. Go into a heavenly place of God-encounters like this one 2. Take that encounter with Him and make it something that shakes, rattles, and rolls in the world.

I received a good word from a brother about a month and a half ago as I was worshiping together with people in a house in Hominy, OK (one of my favorite places ever). He said he felt like I was "going backward so that I could go forward again. Almost like being pulled back in a bow so that an arrow can go out." That really has helped a lot of things make sense for me.

I'm taking my sweet time in a lot of ways right now, but, in so doing, I want to connect with those that want to grab fire from above and let it's affect take place over cities, villages, regions and nations. I'm waiting on a green light from the Lord to go back out, re-commissioned with His authority & with great expectations.

I got another word from someone this past weekend at another time of gathering to worship in another house here in Oklahoma---a guy who never met me, who said stuff like "you are a preacher. You are made for the nations." The room was laughing in an uproar at how hilariously spot-on this guy was in his accuracy in the prophetic. He went on to say (amongst much else) "it's time to link arms with your brothers." A few days later, a good friend of mine called me up and invited me to join him for the Luke 18 conference in Kansas City, which is somewhat of a co-op with IHOP / OneThing. From what I gather, it's going to be a great chance to connect with a lot of leaders in the prayer / missions movment, from all sorts of different organizations and backgrounds.
What got me was the immediate effect of this word from this guy...follow up of confirmation within days (and I admit I've been weary of many words lately because of the lack of accuracy, confirmation, or even a remote sense of truth so many bring). I'm really really really excited about this because I feel like I am supposed to seize the moment right now and hook up with those that also have a heart to see organic witnesses of Jesus planted throughout the earth.

I don't know how to describe to you what's about to happen, but I hope this helps. All I know is that I read this book that says stuff like grab fire from heaven and toss it over cities. And I'm going to try to figure out how to do that.

a renaissance of vision...and, just to be clear

2008-12-15T13:45:00.000-08:00

Thanks for checking out this blog entry. I'm hoping in this particular writing to really write much more extensively than I've done in some time regarding a practical outlook on what's ahead for both me (Nate) as a person and this ministry (WTN) as a whole. With regards to vision, I'm wanting to really communicate what I'm working on right now to move toward taking WTN to where it needs to go. And, as in the title, I added some stuff on "just to be clear" so as to hopefully clearly express my heart where I love all of God's Church, no matter how or where they meet...while I am still unapologetically hoping for change.

It has been some time since I've written much ministry stuff. This comes for a number of reasons. While the personal ones may have been obvious, there has been much more to my time in the States than just what has rocked the world of Nate. Besides the grabbing inner shaking I went through this year, I've really been wanting to find a way to clearly and concisely communicate the vision which I believe has been placed in my heart by God and to be able to practically implement that vision...all that while shooting to not become very typical and avidly avoiding the ordinary...in other words trying to find a way to really chase the God-given dreams inside me without become another dull & dry Christian thing. Urgh to that.

In brief, here's what I want to see Watch the Nations become: 1. A red-hot, Holy Spirit chasing, interceding, contending for nations prayer movement birthed completely out of radical romance with Jesus 2. A missions movement coupled with the prayer movement 3. A house-church aka simple-church aka organic-church planting organization (organism hopeful).

Also, in concise manner, I'm wanting to then build upon this mindset and basically establish small, simple churches that meet in houses and chase after God in prayer. And, I want to do that in Africa. And, I want to do that soon---but have to really work some things out first.

Imagine with me this: the Church of Jesus becomes the real deal she is meant to be. The reformation we desire becomes reality...an imperfect reality perhaps but one much closer to what we now know to be "church." Imagine with me tiny pockets of people who are completely normal...completely humble...completely sane and legit. People who truly love others...people who don't give up on people when they make a mistake...people who chase after the depths of God's heart while admitting He is a mystery we can never fully figure out...people who need to say little with words because their lives shine brightly the Glory of God...Imagine with me Acts chapter 2 being a normal function of your faith...

What if this imagination was no longer our spiritual salivation to drool at while hungrily hoping for more than we've yet tasted in our dismal Christian experience? It is for this reason that I've decided, again, that I have to chase the dreams of my heart...that I have to keep trying and swinging away at what my Father has put in me...thehopeof our calling...

The reason why I personally love the house church movement is NOT because I think that those who worship in house churches have an elitist perspective on faith or because I think that the "mainstream" church is not going to heaven or something like that. The reason why I am a big believer in house churches is because when I first started hooking up with them, it was as if they were the missing element to what I had wished I could have in my earlier days of trying to follow Jesus. I can remember when in my late teens and early 20's I started to look at the Bible for me...not to be taught by man or to teach man...and I began to really wonder why it was that what I knew as Christianity didn't look much like what the Ancient Scrolls had recorded...and then, I began to get a glimpse, a slight shimmer of light that illuminated just enough hope in me that reformation is entirely possible and that there really is no need to settle for "normal" Christianity.

While I could elaborate on those effects much more, to be pertinent to a ministry outlook, I'll also say that the reason why I love house church / simple church movement is because it literally is the only type of church one can plant in a restricted nation. Any missionary I've met in areas like North Africa, the Middle East or Southern Asia would be the first to agree. It's nearly impossible to plant a traditional church in such areas simply because of the persecution...a large building is a proverbial bullseye for attack.

Furthermore, the Church of China is arguably the closest group of any believers of any nation to revival. They've seen millions upon millions of people follow Jesus just in recent decades and have experienced miraculous things beyond counting. And, one of their strongest and most infamous leaders, Brother Yun, speaks out and tells us that the house church movement in China is largely why they are seeing this revival. He often travels and speaks throughout the Western world with a message telling us to "wake up" and within this message is good advice about what we need to consider implementing in our lives in order to do just that...and a large part of this he tells us is to change our "wineskins" if we are to see revival.

So, it is for these reasons, and so many other ones, that I'm wanting to see Watch the Nations become a "house-church missions organization". That, in some ways, is not at all how I want to phrase that...for such reasons as not really even wanting to be just another organization or getting caught up in all the stuff we always seem to eventually drift toward while drifting away from Jesus...HOWEVER it is all I know to do right now...

I'm wanting to really not apologize for this anymore. I stepped out in faith to launch WTN almost 2 years ago now and I'll be honest, the fear of man has held me back to not want to talk much about house church. I don't want to just offend people for no reason. My goal is not to simply critique traditional / mainstream church bodies. However, I've come to a point now where I've realized that there are a lot of people in the Bride of Christ who desperately WANT to change, and that they simply need to see something at work in order to change with. I've also come to know many pastors and leaders in the Church who are not threatened by house churches because they are not trying to build up their own Kingdom but God's Kingdom, and they rejoice with us in that we are reaching people who are much more likely to enter a house where a church is meeting than a building template. Many of you know that I was formally a minister and missionary in the Assemblies of God. Ironically, the very month when I left the AG organization, an AG church in Wichita, Kansas actually BEGAN to support what I was doing in Africa, aka WTN. What's even more ironic was that I had contacted them earlier in my missions career and had tried to gain support through my own ability and what I regretfully but jokingly remember as "telemarketing for Jesus." At that time they didn't feel lead to support me. I hadn't contacted them in a couple of years, and then once WTN was launched, they got behind it.

What's my point there? I believe that it's ENTIRELY POSSIBLE for the mainstream church / house church movement to work together in harmony and peace. WTN is also supported by mainstream bodies in Florida, New York, and New Mexico and we are deeply thankful for these leaders in God's Kingdom who do not see this as a threat but as an opportunity for change and to impact the world.

In the coming months, I want to write more about what this looks like. To my knowledge, within the house church movement, I know of little taking place in a foreign missions context---which would be perhaps one of my only critiques of this movement; urging my brothers and sisters to not simply reform the Church forever and ever but to eventually reach the world, less our "4 walls of the church" become a living room rather than a sanctuary....that being said, this is completely grassroots pioneering territory for me.

So, I'm also going to intentionally connect with some other believers in Dallas next month, Lord willing. They've got what they call "a relational network" where they basically are connected not by authority but by friendship with other groups of people that worship God in a house somewhere in Texas. So, I'll cross the border to my south to make a connection with them.

I'm also wanting to hook up more with some friends I've made over in Oklahoma City who have established something they call "The Refuge" which, in essence, is going be an urban missions / house church missions movement. That is right up my alley! They are essentially doing to stateside version of missions that I want to do abroad. I have high respect and love for them and am excited to see what may take place in hooking up with them.

I remember the words of one of our more recent martyrs of modern history, "I will not be labeled as average" -Rachel Scott, Columbine High School student. When I write that vision down in the paragraph before this one, it startles my soul. It's beyond me. I've found myself coming full circle so many times lately that I think I'm getting dizzy. And all I really know is that I want to change the world, and nothing, nothing, nothing satisfies me like trying to do that.

Word up.

lets face it / new blog

2008-11-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

hey, lets face it, this WTN blog has mostly been about me, Nate Sanow. I've tried to not have that be the case, but, it is. While I'm sorta on pause with some things I'm basically re-thinking EVERYTHING. One of those (every)things is this blog. I've longed to see WTN eventually some day operate as a team...perhaps you could say a "company of missionaries" who will go out to the nations...like a missionary version of "The Fellowship of the Ring" (if you're a fellow fan of the "Lord of the Rings" books / movies). And I'd like to see this blog used more for that team. Also, I'd just plain and simple like to see it be for ministry / missions related stuff...how to do that, I'm still figuring out.

For now, though, I'm going to keep a bit more of a fun, personal blog at www.nateslightbulb.wordpress.com. I'll just warn you here and now it may be at times far "less spiritual" (from a traditional viewpoint anyways) than the blog here...but again it's just going to be about me as I still stumble my way through staying in touch with tons and tons of people! This blog won't go away, but it will be used lots more for updates, etc.

with love
Nate

PO BOX

2008-10-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Hi all, for those of you who send in support checks, you may have got some of them back in the mail. That's just because someone had once helped me set up the box for me while I was in Africa. Now that I'm back, I've been needing to take care of things like that in the lovely administrative department---which is not my strong suit! ha! So, I'm renewing the WTN address today. I'm sorry for any problems you may have faced. Thanks again to all of you who support so faithfully, without any need on my end for having to talk about money you guys just do it which means so much to me.
Bless you all!
-Nate

a thought about "works"

2008-10-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

I'm still overdue for updating this thing, but for now please accept my peace offering of tossing a few words at ya...

I was outside enjoying coffee and the brisk fall air this morning perched on a lawn chair in the backyard, and I was drawn to the gospel of John. I read these words, but it was if while reading them it was like I was asking Jesus the same thing they were asking--another layer peeled in revealing the living abilities of the Word...here were the words: "therefore they (I) said to Him, 'what shall we do, so that we may work the works of God?'" John 6:28
That really hit me like a spiritual 2 X 4 today...you see the verses before this Jesus was telling the crew to not worry about temporal things and to find the only thing that lasts forever and ever. Yet it was like I could hear in their tone of voice, "ok, sure Lord, but what about our job? What about our success? What about our ministry things to do for you?" The simplicity of Jesus following words are both freedom giving and yet challenging to the core:

"Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you may believe in Him whom He has sent." John 6:29

That's not to be reduced to doctrine or a rote prayer of salvation. It was as if this morning, in the backyard, I was hearing a response to my own cry to the Lord...it was like, for me, that I had said, "Lord, what work have you for me? Lord, when and how do I go back to Africa? Lord, what ministry stuff shall I do or find or create in order to stay busy and make sure I please everyone?" And, simply put, it was like He was saying, "be my child. That is your 'work', that you would simply believe." And I think He means that in this verse that belief is not just theology of God's existence, but belief as in trust, deep wholehearted trust, that we really are children, He really does love us and He really is good in His intentions towards us, even though this world is dark and falling apart at the seams.

The pretext to all of this in the verses just before these would tell us that this method of thought is the only food for us that will last forever. Let us feast on that. This is part of the path of the higher calling of being a son and a daughter.

Thank you God for Hominy, OK!

2008-09-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm way overdue for an update on here. Forgive me!

Today, I left my house around 4p.m. or a bit after. It's now about 2a.m. or so as I type. Yes, some of my best blogging seems to come late at night...as much as I try to fight it and be a good early to bed early to rise kinda guy, I might need to just face the fact that I'm a night owl! I love nights like this, though. I feel genuinely refreshed, loved, encouraged and inspired. What happened, you ask? And, where is Hominy and what's the deal out there? I'm so glad you asked! Let me tell you.

My first introduction to Hominy came around 3 years ago or so when I heard about it through the grapevine. I was back home in Oklahoma after having lived in a Florida inner city for a discipleship school I was in for 3 years, practically involved in full time ministry---actually our hours went far beyond the status quo of full time, but full time to say the least. After such climatic spiritual highs and a definite call on my life to go to Africa, I was back home in Oklahoma in the perfect place to be...cleaning toilets. It was lovely. In the words of my boss, "Nate, nothing will prepare you better for the 3rd world than cleaning crap out of toilets." That wound up to be one of the best prophetic words I'd ever heard, ha ha. I also was doing other odd job work on the side along with painting work at an oil tube refinery. I remember watching, seemingly, as all my peers entered into their dreams almost effortlessly and there I was, taking a long vacuum hose and putting it at the bottom of a large porta-poty and sucking out you-know-what all day long. Needless to say, it was rather humbling for me. I would eventually save up enough to be able to travel and pay my way to begin doing itenerate ministry in order to raise funds to go to Africa, but that process of getting there was worthwhile in ways, at the time I was unthankful for but have since come to love.

Yet the saving grace for me in that season was dear ol' Hominy, OK. A friend told me about it and so I decided to drive almost a good hour toward the middle of our state, aka the middle of nowhere, to try to find this wonderfully little group of people in this little town. That drive, which I would repeat henceforth all summer and into the fall, would become a worship service of it's own. Such peace and tranquility abounds in the center of this state...I would find this little cliff from a self-made trail that overlooked a lake and just sit and wait for the sun to go down, as the water reflected it perfectly as I was always perched westward. Once the sun was down and the reddish light radiated with brilliance, I finished the calm, scenic drive through Oklahoma's roaming grasslands and arrived at my destination: Hominy.

At first glance, you'd think you had to be careful to not speed through the town, not just because small towns are infamous for speed traps but because if you went too fast you might pass it by! But once I dove into the quaint town I'd find an intense warmth quite unlike any other place I've been in this world. I'm greeted by a few familiar faces and kindly get to know some new ones. I'm offered food...mass quantities of home cooked goodness, soft drinks, veggie trays and of course cookies and brownies. That alone is a praise report, in fact if you just read that you should have a moment of silence.

As the night progresses, I become aware that there is no agenda. Yes, that needs to be repeated, no agenda. That is another thing that is rare to find throughout the earth these days...the house is packed full of both people and love, and everyone is just mingling without any plans of needing to do anything else. There is no rush, no hurriement to wait for "worship to begin"---as if that is a seperate part of life...there are no need for greetings to tell others present "so nice to see you here" because that impending truth is expressed not in word but deed and the sincereity of our handshakes, hugs and smiles says that we are in fact happy to see others. We are beckoned to return from a pull within; pressure to return wouldn't be so much a bad thing, it's just not necessary with such lavid enjoyment in the atmosphere.

Slowly, a steady trickle of people stream into another room close by, somewhat like a living room or entertainment room. I notice that music, reflecting a lifestyle of worship, has begun gently and nearly without attention. Some enter into that room, others wait. But there is no animosity or twisting of our arms to begin or, actually, to do anything. Yet, there is an electricity of excitement in the soul, an expectation that something marvelous is within our potential for the night, so like moths drawn toward streetlight we go to the light.

The music seems to the untrained ear or eye to have no structure at all...one who has had a taste of such gatherings, however, learns that such moments are perfectly orchestrated far beyond human ability and wind up, at the end of the day, having far superior organization, as in hindsight we see the Creator with the absolute permission He deserves to run things doing a really great job at it. Songs that have been written are sometimes sung, at other times, Scripture is shared outloud and music than reflects what is shared. At other times, a word of encouragement is given to the group and the music may stop for a bit. But the sweet, tender awareness of the Holy Spirit is not suddenly gone just because the music is. It is as if the conversation itself is entirely full of pleasure and elation before God...as if His delight can be felt as our words come from hearts that truly want to know Him. It's hard to find out if there is a leader in the room. Yes, that is shocking to most in the Church today, and some would fear this and think that this allows "friut cakes" to say crazy things. Difference is in such a meeting that those who sometimes are misunderstood with what they say are not shunned for saying it. Furthermore, it becomes truth and not theory to find that when God is given control of a gathering, He actually can do a pretty good job at it and make sure that improper things are (we certainly hope) not said. Yet even if they were, true love for each other fills the room, and love always casts out fear, as fear shows us that love has not been perfected in our hearts (see 1 John).

Some of these nights, prophetic words were shared with stunning accuracy. Such words always uplifted and encouraged and gave those gathered a deeper touch that God really was in the room and speaking through people. Again, one could be blinded by fear of such prophetic things as certainly the Word tells us prophecy can lay our thoughts bare (1 Cor 14). However, love again abounds much greater than fear here, and in all my experiences I see prophetic words flow with power to help heal weary, broken hearts. I myself received tremondous confirmations at times when I desperately needed so much more than a pre-made sermon, but a real living Word.

I remember one night lasting till 5 a.m. It was not that we set it up to be that way. It was just that good. I remember lots of other times where it was really hard to tell when, or if, the night ever stopped. There was something about living out my Christianity in such a real way in a house with other people that liberated me with a newfound freedom to no longer compartmentlize my life so much. I began to realize with crystal clarity that He really does desire us to worship Him in so many places besides big buildings and so much more than once a week. I found in this place that house church was a really great way to do that. Not the only way, necessarily, but just that I had a lot of fun doing it this way.

Tonight was another one of these nights. I was so impacted personally by such real-deal people, who I find love me for me, not for what I do, perform, etc. I'm so thankful for my friends in the Lord in Hominy (and subsequently throghout the region as so many drive from so far to come). Thank God for the joy and freedom I've found on such Saturday nights.

I've got so much I'm trying to figure out right now. Blogging can be a blast but it can also be like having a constant mirror in your face. It seems like all the doors around me right now have been closed or on an undefinite standby, and I'm trying to figure out how to explain that better. For now, though, it's just really nice to join in with other people who love me, for me. And trite as this may sound, I really wanted to thank my friends at Hominy for opening their house and being obedient to the Lord.

audio updates available

2008-08-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hey all, it's really late at night, but they're singing this song..."how lovely is Your dwelling place..." and I guess I'm addicted...anyways I recorded some thoughts I had here on audio. Normally these audio posts will be posted on the re-vamped "media" page on the website, and I've got a test run at it set up. For now, click on play here below.

IHOP / KC (again)

2008-08-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

Hi all, I just checked in at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. There are so many reasons why I'd rather not pray and why I feel unable to pray. But as simple as it this is, I get in the door here, it's late on a Friday night (after a nice 4 hour drive thanks to my dad dropping me off here), and hundreds of people are "wasting" their life on prayer. Then, some young lady is leading us in praise and says over and over and over again, "everything you do, you view in mercy." Simple truth with a beautiful melody and my heart melts. And I came in here not wanting to pray, and I glance at my watch and an hour has passed. I didn't press in and I wasn't disciplined. I just received what He has made available. And that is becoming surprisingly easier to enter into when I admit that it never is, never was, and never will be based upon my ability or righteousness, but upon His marvelous mercy which indeed, are new, all the time. I am here for this pursuit throughout August. I'll be keeping you posted. Lots of love in Him to you.

Video from Namibia

2008-07-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

Many of you have already seen this. I have showed it to several of the church bodies that I've traveled to since I've been back, and at our WTN night this last January. I've got a bit of time on my hands right now (on doc's orders not to travel, work, or lift anything above 10 pounds) so I thought that I might as well try to work on some video things with the time on my hands---now that I'm done conquering the galaxy on Star Wars Battlefront II, that is (a nice little video game that has helped the re-coup time go quickly).

Eating, Drinking, and Being Merry

2008-07-13T21:10:00.001-07:00

I read these words this afternoon as I was about to hook up with a friend for a trip to the Cheesecake Factory, "I know that there is nothing better for men to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God." -Ecclesiastes 3:12-13.

And, it hit me, these words were penned by a man that had more wealth and wisdom than any man on earth. A man of palaces, gold, servants, and any other delight available in his day capsulized his greatest joy to eating and drinking.

I think a lot of sorrow comes our way in life when we draw up an imaginary line that divides the sacred and the secular. We categorize and compartmentalize things in our life to such a degree that we even have a "God section" and a "life section." We may not intend on it but it's there in all of us. Perhaps the phrase that epitomizes this confused outlook best is "I'm going to go to church." That phrase is like a doctor saying I'm going to the doctor or a police officer going to the police...enough said there.

What I'm coming to is this: Jesus did fast and pray for 40 days, but not for 33 years. And, when he wasn't fasting, he was creating wine at weddings, going to the feast and Jerusalem, catching something to eat with his friends by the water, creating bread for huge parties of people, sharing bread and wine with friends at a table, and on and on we go. Sure, there was some suffering, some persecution; but my point is that want the entirety of His message nor was that area of his life a separate area from the moments of pleasure. Misty Edwards sings it well in a song where she boldly says, "He's not a baby in a manger anymore, He's not a broken man on a cross. He didn't stay in the grave, and He's not staying in Heaven forever." Stained glass paintings and gold statues of Jesus have tainted the truth, I believe, of a God who does not just permit fun but created it. He created taste buds, the ability to smell aroma, and on and on we go.

Maybe all of that is just my justification for my life lately, which I say with a smirk. Really though with all the recent events of my life, with it feeling like the rug was pulled out from under my feet and the wind was knocked out of me (and after the surgery that was a bit more literal than figurative) I have, dare I admit, moments of wanting to quit. Throw in the towel. Run away and forget my pain. Maybe you never are tempted to quit but I'll be honest and admit it so that it is in the light and not in the darkness. However, I had this revelation I learned thanks to some podcast teachings by Kris Vallotton, who teaches about how we have to love ourselves if we are going to even try to love others like we love our self. I've had to treat myself well. That means I've had to eat good food, enjoy gifts given to me from others and not tell them "I don't deserve it" in fabricated humility. I've had to go on walks and enjoy sunshine. I've had to take time to read a good book and put something positive back into my soul. I took a trip out of town and enjoyed a worship environment, and treated myself to a good hotel and a good car rental as I had no other way to get around. In times past I've often thought that this was wrong and I covered up my inability to love myself with all sorts of spiritual ideas about carrying my cross and joining Jesus in His death. However, I only swallowed that pill and refused to think about the resurrection side of the cross. As we often state as mere truth (and not as the powerful expression of love it was intended to be) "Jesus died so that I don't have to."

So, while recuperating from surgery, and honestly from the emotional battles of recent pain in my life, I've enjoyed my Momma's home cooking; her roast chicken, roast beef, grilled burgers, french fries, fried okra, fresh baked corn bread, cherry cobbler with ice cream, pecan pie with whip cream, and on and on. I've been back up to my feet the past few days and went out to eat with family and friends and drank in all the goodness. I've spent time out in the sun working on a tan, and time at night gazing endlessly at stars (and wrote a poem in an earlier blog entry I'm quite fond of, for I felt One in me helping me with the words). I've had some fun with some video games, some movies, and some really good books---one of which being "the Shack" which really inspired a lot of what I'm writing. I'd give you a teaser but let's just say if you are like me and need to have some things in you healed up and to get a fresh, modern picture of God's love than this book will drench you in His goodness and you'll likely finish it in a day or two if you have the time it was hard to put down.

And, in the moments where it feels like I can't even pray, or press into God, I know He is trying to press into me. And, that doesn't always have to come with a moment at an altar call or through an inspiring song or a powerful verse. The Spirit of God is just as much into us enjoying our food and our sunshine and our time at the pool or beach or lake this summer. Frankly, it's been hard to train my mind on His presence a lot lately. It's been hard to conjure up the right expression of words or reverent postures or such to try and reach a heavenly state where I "feel" His Spirit or His presence...and in that weakness, in that painfully humble place, in my inability to give or provide or to do anything, I find that He is again reminding me that walking with Jesus was never a worked-based life. It never was meant to be built on man's ability, man's strength, or any of our earthly laws. Grace is perhaps the most difficult thing for any of us to understand, most of us are so bad at giving it or receiving it. But, fact of the matter is, God voluntary submitting Himself to murder was either a big act or it was the purest expression of love fathomable. And, it's unlikely that One Who really is Love to want us to not enjoy this life.

I think a lot of these thoughts are also connected intimately to my ponderings of what exactly I want to do in Africa. As I look at my own needs right now, there are a few things I know I don't need: falling over backwards when someone lays hands on me to pray for me, lots of facts from the Bible and more knowledge about that book, loud prayers with passionate decrees, and the like. I'm not saying that because I never want to see God move, I'm just saying that for where I'm at right now I need more than Holy Ghost magic. Anyone who has read Isaiah 58 knows there is a time when God does not want us to pray or sing songs but He wants us to live something out. I've need friends, family, and loved ones to give me words of life. I've needed support, encouragement, and kindness. I've needed hugs, pats on the back, hi five's and cheerful greetings. I've needed emails with "I'm thinking about you" or "I'm praying for you." (and I've had so many of these it has stunned me--thank you all). I've needed smiles, phone calls, and time with people. All that to say, it makes me think about what Africa needs. Sure, they need Jesus, they need a Saviour, and I still believe that preaching is and can be an expression of His love. But, while I've been zealous in my desire to preach that message, I've also remembered that my initial love affair with Africa was sparked in my days of helping the poor. I remember that the times in my life God became real to me is when God used people. And it is my hope to someday do the same for the orphan and the widow; not backing down from the challenge of bringing words of life and at the same time not hiding behind the message without being a living message of love to the people.

So, while I've journeyed in my young lifetime across 4 continents, and plan to visit them all someday and every nation that I can possibly find someone to share this love with; right now my journey is forcibly one that goes inside instead of outside. And all the complexities of life, and the greatest marvels of spiritual mystery that are still left to be unraveled, is at times for me reduced beautifully to the free grace in knowing that God likes it when we eat, drink, and are merry.

update

2008-07-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hi all, recovering in bed a few more days from the surgery. There was a particular situation the other day that almost required a trip to the ER but luckily it went away. Thanks for your prayers as overal it's been a fairly quick recovery, with some battles of nausia and pain but nothing too major to worry about.

surgery

2008-07-02T07:10:00.001-07:00

Hi all, I'm about to go in for surgery today for a hernia. Not sure what caused it and it's not all that serious but it's good to get this taken care of asap. Thanks for your prayers for a quick recovery, I'm already ready to get back on my feet.

love
Nate

A late night poem

2008-06-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

I went outside just now to sit outside in my parents backyard. All of a sudden my thoughts turned into this, a late night poem. Maybe it's more like a song (there is one part that I felt I had to repeat almost like a chorus, you'll notice that as you read) but I wouldn't know---my musical ability is, well, non-existent. But I just felt like posting this to capture some late night thoughts in a moment where I enjoyed life all over again.

"All alone late at night
Only moon and stars give me light
No one else in sight
I'm washed clean of my fright

And I find solace in the silence of my starry sanctuary
All alone I've found I'm not alone after all
In this moment there is no burden for me to carry
This must be a taste of the garden before the fall

The crickets sing to me
a lovely nighttime song
I learn this gift of silence
was available all along

I just know that the sun
must soon rise again
But I just don't want
this lovely night to end

And I find solace in the silence of my starry sanctuary
All alone I've found I'm not alone after all
In this moment there is no burden for me to carry
This must be a taste of the garden before the fall

The cool breeze comes
Like fingers run through my hair
I'm filled with hope
As if divine love is in the air

Lightning bugs flicker
Granting green light for here below
Shooting stars come quicker
What variety, what a show

And I find solace in the silence of my starry sanctuary
All alone I've found I'm not alone after all
In this moment there is no burden for me to carry
This must be a taste of the garden before the fall

I know that the sun must rise
And peel the dark away
But for now I'm content to gaze
For now I think I'll stay"

Well, there it was. I love the way little things speak gigantic truth.

absolute surrender

2008-06-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'm repenting of having lived far too naturally for far too much of my life. At the end of all my days I will not regret a life fully surrendered or any part of my life that I laid down for Him, I will only regret what was kept for myself. I believe the truest, purest joy comes from full surrender. I enjoy the most freedom when I hold on to believing that at some point I will help set someone else free.

I'm not speaking a neo-gnosticism or projecting the thinking that all things of the world are innately evil and anything material is carnally wrong. But I am saying that I'd rather live fully on the altar of God and know that I've got nothing hidden from Him than to justify a partial life of obedience in the name of good stewardship.

I'm running to the ends of the earth in complete surrender. It's not going to take place exactly as I planned or exactly how I may have wanted it to, but, I am going to run. I have no option but to run. I am finding that if I do not run to Him with a full sprint that I can only go backwards. I am finding that standing still for too long without running is actually retreating. I am learning that backsliding can be just as harmful if I go a centimeter backwards or a mile backwards. There is no room for middle ground.

I'm realizing I cannot sit back a fight a defensive war against darkness. Psalms 18:37 tells us David "pursued his enemies and overtook them." That is not typical warfare. That is not a shield of faith. That is a man after darkness, a man chasing evil, a man bent upon the defeat of all that is wrong and corrupt and so confident in the Lord that there is no possibility of a truce with the devil.

Do we sometimes call a truce with the enemy? Do we sometimes accept all that he has to give us? I know I've spent way too much time listening to him. At this moment in my life, I've wanted to believe that I've got nothing to offer and I might as well quit. I entertained those thoughts for far too long.

I'm deciding to go on the offensive, again. I've learned that I am best defended when being offensive. It is a hard line to walk but it sure does keep me far from the lukewarm. I'm convinced, again, that I have to live for Jesus. I cannot live for movies, eating out, new clothes, collecting new things, or anything else but wholehearted surrender. I can't even tell you if I'm surrendering in the right way but it keeps the possibility of being proud about my surrender far away from me.

Believe me know that bark can be better than bite and that I can write a tough blog here and then question it all here in a few seconds when I get off the computer. Oh well! I might as well fight anyway.

I'm running to worship. I'm running into His throne room. If there is any calling I have on my life, it is to be a worshiper. It is at times the most ridiculous thing I can do...it is sometimes uncanny to think that closing my eyes and whispering when no one is around is of actual effect...oh well! I might as well worship anyway. I might as well take a chance at surrendering my life. I believe I'm still having a better time than if I were to keep my life to myself. It's risky, it's chancy, it's hard to face things. But we're all at risk, all the times. Instead of fighting our risks defensively and always in response to attack, why not go after victory before we are attacked?

Yes, I'm going to get my rear end back on African soil soon. I know the Lord had me to be back for awhile and I enjoyed all the time spent with family and friends. I know that He had a purpose in it all. But somewhere in the middle of it all I began to think that a return to Africa would be postponed. I began to think somewhat naturally. I didn't even necessarily go backwards. I just didn't move forward too much. It wasn't that I didn't do good things or right things. I just didn't live radical or fully emerged in surrender.

I'm learning again that my life will be spent whether I choose to spend it or not. I look behind me and only wish I was more obedient to Him. I do not regret any choice of giving it all to Him, I only regret any second of my life where my thoughts were not on Him, where I did not fully run.

So, I will pursue my enemy, and I will overtake him. Believe me I'd rather not. Believe me I am the first to say this is ridiculous. But I will spend my life anyway. I will waste myself on worship, knowing the expenses of the cost my life are better than the spiritual poverty that always follows keeping life to yourself. I'd rather be a fool for this cause and for this fight than be wise in a world that will not remain. I'd rather take my chances on living in the ways of an invisible Kingdom than play it safe in things I can see because someday it will only be the unseen that remains.

Here I am determined to fight, even though I don't want to. I've lived for Him for too long to hold back now.

thanks to true Christians

2008-06-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

When I realized I was about to tell everyone about all the difficulties in my life, my first fear was that everyone would line up and judge me. Maybe you have never had that fear but I have. It's hard to go through personal things when literally hundreds of people read my newsletters and blogs, either directly or just "through the grapevine."
I was really worried that there would be a lot of harsh comments for some reason.

I have to tell you that I am stunned by the love of Christ in His people that I am feeling right now. I've got some priceless friends. I am so thankful for that. I used to have a lot of pride in my spirituality, thinking that because I prayed a lot and read my Bible a lot that I didn't really need anyones help or advice because I was so close to God that I was a wealth of knowledge and everyone clearly needs me instead. Ha! What foolishness. At the very least, I can see God in His mysterious ways allowing all of this to be used for good. In my deep needs for love, my family and my spiritual family both have been really good to me. I can't thank you all enough.

I was reading the Psalms today in a whole new light. I felt like I was right next to David while he was hiding out in caves wondering why in the world God called him to be a king and yet all his problems chased him around. Sometimes we get a promise from God and then we get a problem that He allows the very next day and we are tested beyond belief. Recently I had a sort of picture where it was like I saw Jesus there in the garden praying with blood on his face and it was like I could almost feel how bad he felt while praying. I know we often say "Your presence is so good" and that "prayer is a place of peace" and so on. But Jesus that day was not praying because it felt good or because he was experiencing great and wonderful revelation. He was praying because you and I needed it, and He was absorbing all of your sorrow and mine. It was like I could feel that that day. A best friend of mine recently spoke into me when I was almost peace-less and told me that I was learning how to call upon peace in uncomfortable times because someday I will be amongst the nations and will have to learn to call upon peace no matter what situation I am in. That hit home. I've always thought I might be brave enough to someday conquer the Middle East for Jesus. Yet, I go through a few emotional battles and I almost want to throw in the towel! Thank God for grace and that it is only by grace that any of us will do anything for Him.

Again, I really thank you for your love and your prayers and for believing in me. The calls, the emails, the support has been almost staggering. Recently I felt a whisper in my heart say, "the days of you as a soldier are done, the days of the army are about to begin." I have come to accept I need others, and so the Lord has helped me to pass through a time in my life the past few years of being so alone it hurt and now He is teaching me to really make it an effort to not just make new friends but be a good friend to the ones I already have -- almost just to prove I can be a friend to someone for no reason other than being a friend. I think somehow in that the Lord is more glorified than from a song, a dance, or a long prayer.

Thanks for being a real Christian. Because of you I am able to see Jesus again, in you, and in us together.

OKC

2008-04-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was in OKC this last weekend. Checked out a ministry that is raising up an urban missions base in OKC. Got to hang out with some friends and see the OKC memorial for the first time, ironically was on the anniversary of that tragic event. It was honestly really great to be around the poor. I have missed it. It's a season and a reason for me to be in the USA and in the suburbs and taking some time for refuge. But, while I'm here eating McDonalds or watching a movie, Africa still exists. While I am typing, a nomad is walking from place to place with no knowledge that Jesus exists.

As the Lord leads, a group of us being sent out to Africa together this September may take a few weeks or a month to be at this missions base. They are looking to develop an Acts 2:42 lifestyle, simply put living together and worshiping together and reaching people together. Truly that is what I dream of in my life and ministry. Above even dreaming of Africa I dream of being with a group of believers that daily live to contend for His presence and for visitations of His Glory.

Thanks for praying. It's all coming along as we go. More to come.

fun stuff

2008-04-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

So, there's not always a lot of exciting stuff to talk about. But, every so often I get this question, "so, exactly what are you doing?" That's one of the hardest things for me to answer, but here goes.

Well, the last week or two have largely been focused to good ol' Uncle Sam. Yes, it's tax time. And, Watch the Nations is going through the early growing pains like anyone else would at this time. So, I had a meeting with a tax consultant, looked over files, organized files, made a couple of hour + trips to Kinko's for some great moments of photocopying hundreds of receipts for ministry expenses, pages of my mileage log, and whatever else you can think of. Still other files had to be turned in with a few more dozen sheets to be made. Then, some stuff to do on fax machines along these same lines. Fun, right?

Today it was a few hours of meeting with a gentlemen that specializes in international health insurance, and then working on some paperwork for an African friend who needs help getting into the country. Tomorrow, lunch / meeting time with a pastor in the area who attended our Watch the Nations night back in January and we are finally re-connecting, per his request, just to have heart to heart time about the Kingdom.

Besides this, there are always some other hit and miss things to do, like ministry and personal banking, other administrative errands and random meetings along those lines. There's been some interest these last months from people thinking about joining the Watch the Nations team overseas, so I'm looking at creating a process for applicants to join. Not wanting to be too rigid but at the same time be diligent when needed.

No, no, no, we are not going to loose the heart of being an organism above being an organization. If the Lord were to tell me to lay all this stuff down, I would. But, I must admit, it is a good time to be in the States. I am blessed to have the most unbelievable group of men and I must say friends who serve on the board for WTN. They have labored in their own free time to make a lot of things happen. While I'm here, it's my turn to pick up some slack; but they still are helping me while I learn what I'm doing. In that I see where this is not just any usual thing, for most of our administrative load has been taken care of thanks to relationship. Even those that want to come and join us feel the pull largely because of relationship. I do believe that there is a way to "give to Caesar what is Caesars" while keeping Jesus first.

And I would be being a bit bashful if I didn't admit that Father really has allowed a lot of really awesome fellowship times to take place. There are alway many chances for one on one relationship and small group style ministry here in the area. In those gatherings, I love to both receive and give. It sometimes doesn't feel like ministry just because a lot of what I do has to do with just connecting with friends instead of "preaching to people." Maybe that sounds overly simple, but, I believe in that. I've realized that a lot of my life goals have really changed lately and they really have much less to do with any sort of fame or recognition---to such a point that having to write a blog or a newsletter is almost a nuisance just because I'd rather not spoil all the secrets we should keep between us and Father!!!

But, that other fun stuff is always needed no matter who you are. So that's that. I'm sure you are more than excited about that and have been ministered to such a degree that instantaneous miracles will flow from this blog to your computer screen.

Also, while in this "mode" so to speak, the Lord has really given some clear direction for September and ministry in Africa. I still really need to hear His voice, but, am going to be posting more on this soon.

lots of love in the Lord,
Nate

waiting and going

2008-03-14T09:24:00.001-07:00

It is as if the more I wait, the more I want to go. And when I go, it is as if I want to wait. It is as if the waiting and the going are becoming one.

The more I just rest and abide in the presence of the Lord, the more I see a clear plan and a clear path for Africa. The more I do understand and trust I'll be heading out in September. That day is coming. I didn't think I'd be in the USA for this long, but He is doing some awesome stuff while here. The waiting makes the idea of going all the more sweeter.

I'm still at KC IHOP at the moment. Loving it. Have spent most these past 3 days of doing nothing but locking up in their prayer room and joining with their continual, 24/7 worship. The fact that hundreds upon hundreds of people gather all day every day for nothing but prayer is almost ridiculous to me. I look at the stage and the screen sometimes and wonder if anyone ever thinks, like I do, that if no one is on the other side of our whispers or our songs, then we have done little but create reverberations in the room.

But he who wastes his life on Jesus is the wisest man in the world. I don't know that I have yet fully wasted my life on Jesus, and don't know that I have therefore been as wise as I should be. I have been deeply challenged by the testimonies of the greats before us, and have marveled at how they saw, almost uncannily, that their life in Christ would truly have eternal result. Jim Elliot is always one such example to me. He is one of the greatest fathers of missions for the 20th century, yet he actually did little but go to another country for a few years and die. I'm not at all discrediting his ministry, I'm just summarizing what I've read of his biographies. Anyone who has read his books could see that he was holding on for a greater promise than what was on this earth. He was a living breathing testimony of Hebrews 11 type faith. I read through his journals and was shocked to not find that much of a great ministry or all that many converts in his missionary work. Yet, he had a life that was totally laid down before Jesus and now that story lives beyond the grip of the grave.

I am waiting, and waiting, and, well, waiting. I feel like the past 2 or 3 years have been entirely about waiting. During my 3 years in Florida and in the inner city, I was always able to find ministry to do. During my 18 months in Africa and 4 months of trips to the bush, I was able to pick a place and preach just about whenever a group of us could make a plan. Yet even then, and still now, I feel like the Lord is continuously putting the breaks on me, and then telling me at times to punch the gas...I don't know that I always need brakes or always need gas but I just think that He really wants to be at the steering wheel in my life.

It has been a good couple of days of doing nothing but worship. I have felt like much is overcome in Africa just through this time of prayer. Believe me, I really really want to run to the other side of the world right now; but I know that day is coming soon and that it will, upon it's arrival, seem like wisdom to know that I wasted my life on nothing but Jesus before I got there.

IHOP / KC, MO

2008-03-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

I had just realized I'm technically in Missouri and not Kansas.

This is sorta spontaneous (though I've wanted to do this for a few years), but for a lot of different reasons I felt like I just needed to get in the car this week and be here at IHOP. No, not pancakes and coffee (though that sounds pretty good.) International House of Prayer. They've been praying 24 hours a day since 1999. Not much more needs to be said after such a ridiculously awesome statement like that.

They've been used to minister to me before in the past. I've appreciated their teachings a lot. And, I know I need to make sure I do some receiving while I can. It is still a little while off before I'll be back in Africa but I also know that time will fly by. I'm kind of feeling like a "conference junkie" right now. I know that Jesus is just as available in my bedroom as anywhere else, but, this is going to be a time in my life where I will grab onto the corporate gatherings of the body as much as possible. I've stood the past few years with many days and weeks where I was alone, so, I'm going to take advantage of this---because the next few years will have some wilderness times again.

If you haven't been to their site I encourage you to, www.ihop.org I know we hear a lot about "the church needs to change" but I get excited when I see that there are those who already HAVE changed the church, at least in part. We aren't there yet, but, we aren't where we were. In case you haven't heard, Jesus is King of this earth and He has set aside a few people for Himself. There are those who are not concerned with religion, doctrine differences, or self-image and fame. There are groups here and there who have contended for the breakthroughs we are walking in. It is a good time to be alive.

Texas trip, and then some more...

2008-03-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Me and some buddies of mine made a quick trip down to Texas this weekend. A friend of mine was getting married and he asked me to help officiate part of the ceremony--communion, to be exact. It was an honor for me and I was glad I was in the same hemisphere, for once, with one of my friends weddings.

I also had some time to spend with a soon to be married couple who are interested in coming to Africa. We're praying together with them about how that may look and for direction from the Lord.

I'm really needing a lot of that right now...the direction thing. It's such a time of transition for me with just about everything in my life up in the air. I didn't really want to leave my beloved Africa but I can see where He has had some reasons for me to be back in the States for sure. I'm looking at having an extended time set aside for nothing but hearing His voice so that all the plans and directions in my life are totally and only His. The words of Jesus always are a marvel to me, "I can do nothing..." and He goes on to say without the Father, He can't even do ministry or say a thing...How dare I do anything without Him for even a second in my day!

Pray with me. I am leaning toward returning to Africa in September. I do want to go to Angola but with some challenges for getting in that country it does seem good to my spirit to say that I'll be heading for the north of Namibia. I still want to wait and see and hear all that the Father is saying.

It has now been 6 states so far, with a few more to come. I've got one suitcase that I still haven't unpacked from Africa, with miscellaneous things in that bag and the other is being at times packed and unpacked wherever I go. I still don't really feel settled. Even in my own home town I do not fully feel as though I'm home--not because of anyone here or that I don't love anyone here. Just that a restless feeling keeps calling me back toward the ends of the earth. It's like I'm having to feel a simultaneous waiting and yet a deeper desire for the going emerges out of the waiting.

TN #3

2008-03-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, last but not least, there was a bit of ministry to do in Tennessee. I was able to pour into some young people both Sunday morning and Sunday night at a few small group settings. It was low key but I appreciate operating low key whenever possible. It is still a humbling thing for me to reflect on what has gotten me to where I am now, and to share that with some young people hopefully inspires them to dream big.

And after almost 14 hours of driving back home, I'm still a bit cooked. And there is still some more travels to do; this weekend I'm jumping down to Texas really quick for my friends wedding. I'll also get to hook up with some friends in the area, which is funny to me how God has opened doors for a frequent re-visiting type thing to take place. And then, still some more travels in the next few months to do, but the dates are still up in the air for a lot of different factors on my end and for my soon to be hosts.

I have to admit, though, after a week of being locked up in that conference hall and doing little else besides worship Jesus all day long, I am craving more and more of that lifestyle.

TN #2

2008-03-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

So thankful for Wi-fi!!!

So much to try to write about. Just so much. Where to begin?

This conference is off the hook. Just absolutely a perfect gift from my Father. I'm so thankful for this time of receiving. In many ways I never feel like I need a break because I love what I do so much...and ironically my "break" here is full of 12-14 hour days!!! I'm physically exhausted and have just one more morning and night left. Then, somehow by grace, I deliver a message to a young youth group at Cedar Point Church in Maryville, TN which is also a young church plant. But I know that if I can go into the throne room and be humble before my Lord I will be made confident of Him before man.
Again, I almost laugh at the thought of coming here for worship and worship alone and seeing Father open doors wide open!!!

But this really is about some time to receive. If the Son of God had to admit that "I can do nothing on my own" then how dare we try to do anything without Him? I find that being away from Africa right now is actually doing Africa a lot of good. The needs across the nations of the earth are just too great to not minister with anointing and power. How dare I try to push some Westernized, religiously-structured version of a degraded Christianity in order to gain supposed "converts"!!! My life is so surrendered right now that little makes sense even to me. All I know is that I've jumped off a cliff and nothing but Jesus can help me walk on the impossible.

So, the worship has been plentiful and rich. The other night, I saw a vision of trophy-case looking pulpits. Within the same second, I saw these golden pulpits laid sideways upon the altar. I then began to repent in my own life first, always wanting to allow Him to let me know if the conviction is for me alone. I find that He often changes my seasons periodically, and I've gone on several seasons where I'm preaching, witnessing, or ministering often; and then I go through a time with less ministry opportunities. I am asked in those times, "will your worship me for no reason? Not for anointing, not for your ministry? Will you worship me if no one ever knows who you are for the rest of your life?" The deepest cry in my heart is that I may honestly say, "YES, LORD! Make that true in me!" Then, the next day, there was absolutely no teaching or preaching, just Jesus and worship, all day long (3 different 3 or 4 hour "shifts"). What a good day! In the words of my friend Brandon Snell, "what else is there?" I felt like this was a picture for what the Lord wants to do in His Church this Sunday, and next Sunday, and every day. He is looking for those who will lay down their ministry for His Glory, if even for just a short season. He is looking for those that will surrender while ministering so that man will only see Jesus inside the teacher / preacher. Once, almost 3 years ago when I was beginning the time of traveling and speaking to different churches (and at that time, yes, it was largely fund raising focused though that is different now) I saw this picture one day when praying over a place I would speak at that Sunday. I saw, funny as it sounds, a "little me" that was hiding inside the back part of the pulpit, while the "big me" continued to preach. No one could see the "little me." I felt like that was a picture of desiring to still, somehow, remain and abide in His secret place even when in front of man. I'm not saying that preaching should not happen, believe me I know of it's value! But, if we do preach, may it ONLY be what we know He wants to be said!

I also had a delightful time at a luncheon yesterday connecting with other believers. I have aspired to be as low key, for I know my tendency to try to set stuff up...missionaries have mistakenly been told that they need to always milk everyone they know or meet in order to receive the funds they need...I've tried, with a need for mercy and grace, to endeavor to ONLY allow Him to set things up in my life anymore...so anyways, I'm just sitting at a table low key, underground style, and, after being asked and asked about who I am and what I do, I try to explain my life to some fairly reasonable degree (so hard to do!). I then find myself praying with this table and we then have a ripple affect and are invited to pray over other tables (again this is just during lunch.) It was an awesome time of meeting fellow Jesus freaks who just don't care about how they look anymore. I was honored to meet a young girl who some may call "challenged" but I dare to say I saw the reflection of His face on her eyes---she undoubtedly was tapping into realms we barely know about. She would point at things in the room...she would leap and scream for joy in moments where the presence was thick...she had a precious, sensitive awareness of the Lord....

So after all this, I was able to meet up with a missionary friend named Travis that I connected with a lot in my two months in Mozambique. We both share the same birthday, 3/18/83 (catching the hint?) We had done some ministry together in his predominantly Muslim village of Maranganha, and I was so delighted to hear that the ministry there is alive and strong. I am aware that I only have to be me, and I don't have to wear every hat of the 5-fold ministry. If I can walk together with those with long term, pastoral / shepherd type callings in a region, and, come into their area and partner with them, serve them; I then get to start a fire and step back and watch it burn. What peace it gives me to sleep at night to know that at least a small spark of a fire did start in those 18 months spent in my beloved Africa.

This came to me recently: A life wasted on Jesus is the wisest, most profitable way to spend life. We sometimes mistakenly have believed lies such as "we must not be so heavenly minded so that we are no earthly good." I dare to tell you that we must be SO HEAVENLY MINDED that we can actually attempt to make some sort of advancement on the earth. Jesus did not say, "may it be more relevant on the earth as it is to be relevant"...He did not say "let culture be on the earth"...He did not tell us to pray "may Your program come on the earth" but, he INSTRUCTED us to bring the reality of heaven to the earth, to advance our invisibly visible Kingdom further into unseen and seen territory. How can we advance the heavens upon the earth if we do not enter the heavens? How would we even know how to represent the Kingdom if we are not even a part of the Kingdom? The Kingdom existed before the Church did. The Kingdom was eons ago found in the angelic hosts of heaven. It was found in the people of Israel and then the Church was grafted into this Kingdom. And, when the end of our days comes, when this planet melts away and we join the new heavens and the new earth, we will only have Jesus and that One Kingdom, for literally no other Kingdom will exist. Why not spend ourself totally upon that reality now? Wouldn't that be the wisest thing we could do? And, we will then find that the heavens are the most relevant thing to a world searching for truth in the occult and other spiritual beliefs...they know something spiritual is missing...relevance will then be a by-product of truer prophets arising and "laying the secret thoughts bare" as said in 1 Corinthians 14.

How good and full I feel in His warm embrace...I am finding that He delights in me believing that I can encounter Him. It doesn't do Him a lot of good to shrink back from His love and not receive His gifts. He's not as angry as the world and the secular Church has portrayed Him. He's not a statue and He is not a religion. There is little I know now other than Jesus. When people ask me "So what is next?" Or "what is your plan?" I can shamelessly admit my only plan is to continue to love Jesus and to simply do that in the nations....don't get me wrong: I miss Africa like crazy. My heart is there right now. I've only begun reach anybody. But, the greatest "mission trip" we should take is the one where we enter the throne room and re-enter the earth from that perspective. The throne room is more real than the earth; that was where words such as "let there be" came from.

I cannot be driven just by purpose. That's a job description. A son doesn't always have to think about the purpose of why his father or mother loves him...he can just rest, and trust, and sit on their lap...I'm not even wanting to be driven, either, but inspired, in love...I'm in pursuit of His presence...and I'm unapologetically passionate about that. 5,000 years from now, that will be a good yesterday.

TN #1

2008-02-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

In the great state of Tennessee now...12 hour drive turned into 15 thanks to snow...

Looking forward to doing some receiving this week. More later...hopefully.

Great anticipation...

ponder this: good

2008-02-20T16:16:00.001-08:00

"The Lord is good."

We say that. I'm starting to stop and think what that means. If He is good, are His plans bad? If He is good, does He enjoy suffering? If He is good, is there anything about Him that is bad? Lately, I've taken God up on a dare. I'm daring to believe that He does say good things to me. Sometimes, I hear some believers say in frequency, "the Lord is smacking me around lately." I wonder if they are hearing a good God or if they are permitting another spirit to speak into them? 1 John tells us to test the spirits...and that it will give glory to Jesus if the Spirit is of God...does the thought of a weary, worn out, defeated Bride give Him much Glory? Does the thought of believers living in perpetual conviction land sound like a master plan from a brilliant Almighty?

There are good things He is doing in me right now. Because of the way I've been programmed, I sometimes don't receive those words. Now, I'm pulling the plug fully on any programmed thoughts, and, daring to receive His goodness. Sometimes I think the greatest leaps of faith we take are when we dare to believe He really does love us.

In other news, if your wondering what's up, I've mostly been connecting with believers in a much more low key, underground sort of manner. You could say sorta like lots of Bible Studies, cell groups, and one on one appointments. It's hard to explain, though, because I really strive to live and operate only in what I see and hear the Father saying and doing. So, it's a bit less official at the moment. Also, I feel a deep call in me that I'm not always to pour out while in the USA, but, that I am to receive. One of the good things about the Tulsa area is that there is a wide array of spiritual gatherings in different homes and church bodies. The enemy would seek to pervert that gift and turn it into religion and the like, however, I want to not give glory to the counterfeit but honor and recognize the truer destiny, and call it forth when the eventual back track into Christian games inevitably does come up...but to view in faith, daring to say He is good, and only good, and never bad. I've been visiting a lot of different places and instead of looking to minister to anyone, be ministered unto. It's a good season of that for me, and I pray I'm obedient in it. The more I wait and listen, the more I see for Africa. If I do not wait or listen, it may cost Africa something. That can be a frustrating paradox for me, but, Jesus is good to help me balance things out.

Also, making a trip to Tennessee next week. More on that later. Attending a conference named "Intimacy and Glory" and it's hosted by Abiding Glory Ministries (www.abidingglory.com). I don't necessarily mean to endorse that ministry or anything but maybe it will bless you or them by just posting that link. I don't think there is a risk of copyright infringement there? I just feel drawn to go wherever the proverbial cloud day goes, and to burn while resting at night with the pillar of fire...not fully sure what awaits me at the conference, but, am hungry for God wherever He is to be found. While daring to hear the good voice of a good God, I dared to hear Him say to me, "you've passed through a wilderness time, and I've seen that. Now, enjoy time with my people and fellowship with them" or more or less something in my spirit felt something like that...I dared to believe this is true, and now, I'm going to embark not on a journey around the world, but, on a journey into the throne room, always wanting more...and daring to think He might just be good enough to meet me there...

However, one more amazing thing about not marketing one self is that by simply wanting to go and receive at this conference, a friend of mine already invited me to minister to some of his young people in the area (not of that same area). I again learn the more that I wait, the more He does, and the less I am recognized for it by watching Him work and simply sitting in the passenger seat while He drives me wherever this walk is going.

Lots of good stuff right now...the Lord is good.

media available

2008-02-04T15:23:00.000-08:00

Just in case you check in more often here than at the site, there are a few fresh things available on the site. If you go to www.watchthenations.com, click on the "media" link and there is an audio recording from our "WTN Night" on Jan. 11th in Oklahoma. Then, on the "field update" page, there is a prayer meeting we had in South Africa available on video. The quality of both the audio and video needs to improve, and Lord willing it will. For now, please enjoy as we continue to strive to keep everyone posted to the best we can.

I have to say, my favorite part is on "track 3" on the media link...there was a part near the end where I tried to describe the throne room of God with a story I had once heard, that I cannot get out of my mind. This moment, right now, whenever you are reading this, is a moment where you can experience God.

Be blessed in His presence! May God shine on you.

update: NM, OK, KS, NY!

2008-01-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's been a busy few weeks. But that isn't a complaint. What a blast it is to represent Jesus. Would have loved to have posted each of these individually, but, here are some pic's and a bit about the recent travel. Sorry if some pic's are a bit blurry and again if it is all crammed into one big entry--it has been so busy lately!

NEW MEXICO

I really like the fact that I've seen my good buddy Justin 3 times in both of our initial years of full time ministry. I'm so proud of him. It was really great being back there in Hobbs, New Mexico, as the kids from that church came over to Africa with me this past year. There is a lot of momentum going for that body of believers and their calling and passion for the nations. I was able to minister on several occasions and see the Holy Spirit move in freedom from control. It was actually my first time to be back in the mainstream Church, and it was a little different to adjust back into...I am quite used to Africa church under a shade tree or in a house somewhere...but I also appreciate all that Abba is doing in the mainstream, and, am encouraged (as I'll likely reiterate with the other places I'll mention in a bit) that Father is really cooking up something special in regards to uncanny unity with different movements and ministries uniting for one beautiful name - Jesus - Who is Someone we can hopefully all agree upon.

TULSA AREA (OWASSO) OKLAHOMA

This particular evening carried what was perhaps the most delightful anointing I've yet observe the Lord rest upon our ministry. The gathering wasn't particularly large, nor was it particularly small (and why is it that size should even be mentioned in regards to any meeting? What if we just talk about JESUS being in the room?). It was a good cozy group full of people who really cheer on this ministry with their love and prayers and contend together with WTN for all that dear Father God is doing in Africa. What I really liked is that, in confirmation of several prophetic words unleashed recently in and throughout the Body, there is a time coming where "the streams will flow as one river." This night was along those lines--several different churches, denominations, fellowships, ministries and other groups were represented. The other really honoring thing for me was that people drove from literally all over NE Oklahoma to come. Things like that remind me to commit to that time on my knees more and more and beg God to keep me faithful with all He has given us! What it really boils down to is this reality: we are about family and relationship. I really, really desire to see us operate as an organism and not just an organization.

But really, here is the best part: Jesus. HE was present in our worship (and big thanks to "the Burn" for bringing the heat!) and I know that much was done to advance the Kingdom during worship. I'm learning a lot about how we do not just fight with swords in the Spirit, but with arrows as well. If Satan shoots darts of fire at us as we notoriously quote in Ephesians 6, and all Satan has is a counterfeit, then we also can shoot darts of fire---and we have the superior, original version! Nights like this one for me are really about raising up the Mark 12:1 Watchtower of the Lord, which I believe to be the intercessory / prophetic gatherings which launch the foot soldiers of the Lord. In our worship, prayers, and declarations, we actually ADVANCE the Kingdom. It's not that we might advance it, we already did.

KANSAS

Now, this was probably one of the more random days I've had in awhile. But I just have to share how I believe guys like me should operate, and, what Jesus is doing to shift us into HIS ways alone. Here is my bottom line: I will not degrade or condescend this ministry into a money focused machine. A lot of ministries, as we all know, focus most the attention upon fund raising, which I understand actually. Believe me, I know the necessity of receiving support. I just don't like our idolization of it or the lack of actual trust in God. OK, now that that is off my chest, I share it to say that this little Kansas trip had much in store--with no solicitation or marketing or anything like that.

For starters, WTN literally got support from this group out of nowhere. They simply heard about us and starting sending in checks. No marketing needed! So, we went up to connect with their 24/7 prayer movement and different intercessors, and to connect in person to person relationship. So, 10 minutes after walking in the door, I was called up on stage! What was wild was this was the same weekend as the WTN weekend. I wasn't sure that we were supposed to go (Jeff and Dusty of the WTN team were with me, along with Dalton a buddy of mine) but Jeff really felt lead, so, I followed his advice and am glad I did. We were so tired, we had worshiped until 3 am the night before at our fellowship group in Oklahoma. So anyway, here we were, ministering on stage and in the altars. And, basically, the same thing happened that night. Then, they flowed into a good 20 minutes of intercession for Africa, and laid hands upon me and the WTN team members with me, and really really prayed. We had connected with their intercessory team and they sure did launch some arrows deeper into enemy territory! Prophetic words were unleashed and were advancing the way before us. Yeah yeah yeah! It was a lot of fun.

NEW YORK

Last, but not least, New York. What yet another honor that only the grace of the Lord could afford me. This body was so supportive of WTN. They had detailed prayer requests of ours posted on their prayer wall and photo's of our ministry on the missions wall. I was able to minister to the youth group, college group, adults, and my favorite--kids! They asked the simplest, honest questions like "what do you eat? and "were you afraid?" I love their purity. Anyway, yep, this body is also on board with WTN. And, there is a purpose I believe...

I was reading some news about Africa the other day, with indeed wars and more rumors of wars...it was odd to actually not be there when reading about it...for half a second, I realized my inability to change the world (meaning it is His power in our weakness) and the surprisingly overwhelming task yet ahead of us. I then found myself so deeply encouraged by this season back in the States that dear Daddy God gave me. I've been ministered to so much by everyones support...their love...their prayers...and, to just have a social life again with some friends! I've found my heart really full lately.

Thanks to stuff like that, the overwhelming nature of the task ahead---the advancement of the Kingdom into the final frontiers of the earth---doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. Thank you to everyone reading this, for standing with us. Thanks to you, the impossible becomes possible. I got a feeling that dear Daddy God delights in brothers dwelling together in harmony! Imagine if ministries united like this by the thousands...imagine what we would conquer! Let's go!

lots of love!

New Mexico update

2008-01-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

I've got to try to give this to you, quickly, and yet in a few hours, we start the WTN night here in Owasso! I'm really excited. So here is an update from this past week in New Mexico. Thanks for praying guys and gals!

NM was a blast, and a great time---thanks for praying! I loved the relationship there, being that relationship with people was the foundation for any opportunity for ministry; going all the way back to years ago when the Lord was molding me as a shepherd of young men while He was molding the young men, and one of those young men is now a youth pastor. It was awesome to be with Justin and see his faith grow and his heart burn more and more for our Lord, and, it was awesome to see his influence on a younger generation. And then, in the past nearly 3 years of vocational ministry (don't always like that term because it can allude to a barrier between vocational / marketplace ministers, but using for a sec. just to make a point) this is my 3rd chance to connect with this body of believers---twice in USA and once in Africa. It's great to not treat groups of brothers and sisters in the Lord as a number list on a spreadsheet and to really sit with lots of familiar faces in different homes in the community and trips out to eat. I believe that was both the most fundamental part of the ministry and dichotomously the most paramount.

Several young people testified--which I hadn't fully known until now---that they saw many miraculous things happen this past June in Africa. They told me how, when I had sent them out into different homes and villages, that they had several instances where healing flowed from heaven into their hands and upon the sick and brought about immediate affect before their eyes--and a warm feeling of His presence in their hearts. It was a blast to re-connect with them to hear these testimonies, because that was also a big part of what I felt the Lord had me to do while in Hobbs, NM, to stir the saints up for intimacy with Him and a passion to reach people. Several more people came to me after the messages on Sunday and Wednesday and told me that what I was doing was their future dream. I know that HE placed and marked a calling on these people. Also, Jotty, the senior pastor has interest in taking a team of adults to Africa, and we made tentative dream-stage plans for that (likely not till summer 2009 that that would be possible). I love seeing the Body step into full maturity, and given my evangelistic heart, I believe I cooperate with those in other offices to see one of our most lacking aspects to Christian life emerge: reproduction. I get fired up about that, because I know if the entire Body steps into their place and the equipping of the saints so taught on nowadays ever starts to flow out into the streets and to the poor and to the nations, that tremendous things are in our path.

Worship on Wednesday flowed freely and with no restrictive structure. My speaking was brief, though they gave me an hour, I wanted to wait upon the Lord afterwards. Nearly 100 kids were still with us after the service and were receiving from the Lord. I am not sure why, but I couldn't hardly lay hands on but a few, and also could barely deliver and words of knowledge or revelation. I think in part it was because I believe my function in the Body to be where I can partner with those in more pastoral functions, and so I like to allow those there for the long term be able to do the laying on of hands stuff. And then, there was the whole thing for me about re-entering the "mainstream" American church, which was interesting for me. I have been with believers and had lots of fellowship time, but, haven't been back into larger, congregational format bodies until now. I appreciated the fact they were Kingdom minded--so much so that WTN has a re-invite for this coming June, when I'm hoping to drive up there with a team, Lord willing.

There is always so much to try to report, and at the moment there just isn't enough time. But I know HE will teach you what to pray and give you a vision of what is happening in the Spirit.

update

2008-01-04T18:19:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all (that is Oklahoman for hello)

I'm having a good time USA side.
It was really special to be a part of my sisters wedding and I gladly welcome Chuck into the family. What an honor it was for her to have me be one of the two ministers officiating, and yes, I choked up a little when it was my turn. A pretty special day, and I'm just so glad my sister married a real man of God. Thank you, Lord, for being so good to us.

Tomorrow I hit the road (go figure, right?) and will be in New Mexico for about 5 days at Hobbs Christian Center, and of course, 180 youth y'all!!!! I love those kids. And I love my bro Justin and it's pretty cool to have had a role in his life down in Florida those years back (Justin was in my small group) and how now I get to see him tear it up as a Youth Pastor. Pretty cool stuff, reminds me to stay on the ball with mentoring opportunities, we never now what our investment can do down the road.

On the website we're working on the "field update" page to be able to keep you posted on dates, etc. Will be revamping that part of the site, but for now check it out as it is and pray for all the ministry up ahead. It's kind of 5th gear for a bit, so your prayers are needed and appreciated.

love y'all (the Okie in me is coming out again!!!)
Nate

then and now

2007-12-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

They talk a lot about "culture shock" and I'm not sure I even know what that is anymore. Being shocked to me sounds like something that happens when you see a man get his hand chopped off or you get electricuted or something. I can't say I went through a really deep shock in Africa...I think maybe to be honest it's because I spent 3 years of my life living in the inner city and I'm not afraid of interacting with someone of another race...and now, they say there is this thing called "reverse culture shock" which is when you get back to your home country, you are supposed to be shocked again.

While I can't say I've been through either of those, I can say that it has been a little bit odd to be back in America. I haven't wanted to do the typical thing and compare everything...I haven't wanted to remind Americans of how wealthy a man on American minimum wage really is...I haven't wanted to do guilt-trip style messages to load people down with reminders of how poor the world is...but, I'm afraid, parts of that are just unavoidable.

Last year at around this time (Christmas day to be exact) I was in the north of Mozambique with Iris Ministries in a small remote town named Pemba. On a hot Christmas day of over 120 degrees, I was in the kitchen for a little while washing dishes. I didn't help that much, but given that Iris just does so much for the poor I couldn't help but at least pitch in a little bit. They were feeding thousands of people what was a huge Christmas treat; rice, chicken, and a coke. I remember peeking out the window a few times at the most gigantic line and watching as little kids would fight to be first, overly exicted about what was, to us, a simple meal. I was pretty impressed when Heidi Baker came in through the back door and started doing dishes next to me. For someone to be as high profile as she is to come do dishes and to not have a camera on her while doing it is pretty hard core awesome (and sadly not common amongst big name ministries). But the words she said while scrubbing dishes next to me with all her might, trying to get a clean plate ready for the next 2,000 + hungry people, still ring in my ears every time I have a good meal...she said, "Well, I read in this Book one time, when it said, 'whenever you have a banquet...invite the poor, the blind, and the crippled.' And now, here we are." I could care less whatever anyones theology is on that verse and whatever theological excuse they can come up with for figuritively helping the poor, having seen the Word in action like that brought about revelation for me that no message will ever deliver for me.

I had told a group of my friends from a youth group in Hobbs New Mexico who came and spent two weeks with me in Africa (and worked their tails off on summer break to be able to afford to come) "my prayer is that by the time you leave Africa, your eyes will be scarred - in a good way - with the memory of the poor, in a permanent, irrevocable way." I've since had at least a dozen emails or phone calls with them and they've said it's true, and they can't get what they've seen out of their mind. But, those words are just as applicable to me. And I must admit that my eyes carry scars...not in any sense of not being healed...but just the permanent memory that someone in this earth is broken...somebody is crying their eyes out...somebody is being abused...somebody feels like they can never be forgiven...somebody is looking inside trash for food...a child is without a parent...hundreds of thousands of villages still have no church, no missionary, no pastor...

So I had to post that photo up top, honestly, for me to look at. While I drive around on perfectly paved roads and dozens upon dozens of restaraunts on every corner, I have to remember why I was on those roads and why I am eager to get back...as I see joy mistakenly placed in material possessions...as I am now able to again buy almost anything I need 24 hours a day...as I drive around the wealthiest country on the earth, there is a verse makes a lot more sense to me, "they are foriegners and aliens on the earth."

fire for the feet

2007-12-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

It's been hard to leave South Africa. I am actually surprised by that. When I first got here I couldn't wait to leave. It never felt like where I was supposed to be. Then, when the start of WTN earlier this year began I could have gone anywhere in the world. I chose to stay put. I felt like Father just said, "wait on me." I read the very last verse of Luke, which tells us the disciples began to carry out the Greatest Commission, to wait upon God. They got together everyday for prayer. Quickly the shift went into evangelism but it was based and soaked in prayer. I realized it was time for me to spend a season of waiting. That season has passed (though waiting on God is never to be done with). Now I look forward to the next one, which could require even more waiting but it will just mean going somewhere else and waiting, carrying the presence of God wherever we go.

I've connected with believers in South Africa like only Father could set up. The other night just 3 of us got together for dinner and fellowship. It was a rich time of communion together, and deep joy in the Lord for all He has done. While my two friends were talking, it was like I was in another world. I heard all they said...but it was like my mind began to daydream...I remember how in Jr. High I would daydream in class of playing sports or of the girl I had a crush on that week or whatever, and algebra or the study of the biology of bacteria quickly passed away until my mind was fully on the dream...that was not exactly, but similar to what I experienced in the Lord...I began to just think of how badly I desired him, right then and there...not to wait for the official prayer time or the next gathering...I asked if we could pray, my friends quickly did, and before we knew it two hours of our night was spend knowing Him...we fell to our faces, were silent together in a way only the Spirit can orchestrate (I find it's hard to be silent together because often in corporate prayer we confuse silence with slacking and it's hard to realize silence can be the best thing for us). And, here's the deal: at some point in that time with Him, in fact it was before I even began "to press in and pray" there was this sudden, out of nowhere warmth upon my right foot...only my right...I tried to put my left foot next to the right one and it didn't work...only the right was warm, but it was in fact hot, like there was a fire on my foot, but a fire that did not consume the foot...a God-fire that I did not deserve, expect, or at that moment, request. I was just sipping a coffee and thinking, and then, BAM! Fire! That is in fact only God.

I pondered the meaning, but it was obvious. Fire for the feet. Time to carry the presence. Time to pray in the market place. Time to pray in the streets again. Time to pray as I walk, as I go. Time to pray and carry fire with me. Time to encounter God and provide God encounters for the world. Time to set up the banquet and feast and share with those in the cracks and corners of the world. To maintain the burning in the heart, but to let it exceed expectation or the ordinary and at the very least to become more.

This fact is becoming more and more clear to me, as we often look to a place or a person that carries the anointing to be how we are fed; we in fact are to be a revival. We are the movement.

you are more than you know

2007-11-30T04:47:00.000-08:00

I at times fight discouragement. I think we all do. Somehow being "successful" has almost become a doctrine for ministry, and to not have fame or fortune is failure. Jesus must have really failed, then, when he had only four followers with Him while He was on the cross, one of which was His mom! Of course, that's not the case, and Jesus never seemed to be too impressed when He had large numbers of people with Him. After all, billions of angles had already gathered around His throne for billions of years before He was on the earth!

So, the past few days I've found myself, yet again, in a lot of transition. I currently own nothing more than two bags which are packed in faith that He is leading me onward. Being in transition, I can't make myself get busy doing too much except getting out of here. And, because I myself fall victim to that ridiculous thought pattern that was mistakenly made, I at times need to read my own blog and look myself in the mirror and say "no worries man!" So, anyway, me and my bro Charles have had a lot of ministry time together lately. Actually, I'm technically just crashing at his place a few nights (I didn't want to pay rent for just a few final weeks here). But, Papa showed me that I (perhaps we) discredit that which in fact the most important ministry there is. Jesus said "where 2 or 3 gather I am there" and we look for thousands but sometimes not for Him. I was encouraged by this, as He began to show me that it really is time for us to operate in the way He wants. I venture to guess that He is wanting you to realize that you can affect those around you, too. That in fact the "normal" people you come across are always a divine appointment for the child of God. That by simply eating together with people, you are doing what a lot of famous evangelists don't have a clue about. It really is the time to walk as He wants us to walk, not as the way man has taught.

I love a quote by my mentor-via-podcast, Kris Vallotton, "when you got saved, you became a full time minister." Word up to that.

saying good bye, again!

2007-11-28T03:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I find myself now back in Rustenburg, SA, and not at all looking forward to all the good bye's there are to do. The difference between ordinary friendship of family is that when you gain a family or friendship in the SPIRIT it is beyond concrete, you of course share HIM Himself and that thought is almost beyond words...I've really seen Jesus bring people together in a way that is really supernatural, especially for a place like South Africa where the enemy wants to confuse people into a divided life...and yet to see people come together in love for one another really is an amazing feet anywhere in the world...most people nowadays spend so much time loving themselves; their jobs, their cars, their houses, their groceries, their clothing, their needs, their wants...to see all that layed down before Jesus and to see a group of believers these past 6 months love each other and share with each other, well, it's been amazing. I myself have actually received much more than I gave. South Africans have taught me what it means to be a good host, to be a generous person, and how to be a bit more patient (God help us hurried Americans!!!).

Yet I'm encouraged that "He Who began a good work...will carry it through to the day of Christ Jesus..." It's actually funny to begin to miss SA more and more, because I never wanted to come here. That's brutally honest. But I dreamed of adventure, 3rd world conditions, and pioneering where no one had been before. Coming to SA put all that on an alter. I had to let go of finding my identity in ministry. I had to surrender finding accolades from being extreme. Instead, I found the voice of a Father Who told me He loved it when I just sat down and spent time with Him...He showed me that if I did nothing but sit on African soil and cry out for this land, battles were won...

So, in just about a week and a half I fly out. I am really looking forward to being home and seeing my family and friends. I'm looking forward to being in my sisters wedding as one of the ministers, seriously honored by that; and really proud of her for not settling along the way and going for God's best---and hey I get a new brother out of the deal! I'm really undone with the goodness of Papa to give us at least one night (possibly two) where we will have, for lack of a better name "Watch the Nations Night" where several different bodies of believers in Oklahoma (at least) will gather together and we will rejoice together for all that HE has done, and look ahead at a bright future as bright as the Glory of God, and dream the dreams of God with God.

But it's hard to always say goodbye to people...this life is indeed a vapor. Not a hopeless vapor, but one that is quickly going. As I keep finding out it's like what Jesus taught me while in Namibia two months ago: "our life is being spent if we choose to spend it or not." So, the real question is what will your life be spent on?

Cape Town

2007-11-21T00:44:00.000-08:00

So, the other day I walked through a cloud. Not fog, a cloud. It was just stunning. I was at the top of the infamous "Table Mountain" here in Cape Town, given it's name for obvious reasons if one were to see a picture of it, it looks just like a table at the top, nearly perfectly flat for hundreds of meters. I took a hike around the mountain, past the guided trails and past the signs that say "dangerous, proceed at your own risk" because I just can't help it, there is a pioneer in me somewhere in the simplest of things...anyway, I must say, it was one of the most spectacular views in all my life...a proper 360 degree view allowed one to peer into the ocean as far as possible, and the gigantic town of Cape Town seemed from up there small enough to hold in my hand, and then from horizon to horizon was breathtaking scenery that dazzled the eye. We were up high enough that the clouds were below us, and in fact one was hovering over the mountain (I was so hoping it might be a glory cloud) and that was the one I walked through.

Cape Town. Take a dash of Europe, mix in some African spice, add a slight flavor of Asia, and there you have the cultural blend that makes it the most extraordinary city I have seen (not exaggerating). From the coast lies world renowned beaches and harbour bays, with thousands of houses priced in multi-millions(thats in USD mind you). Driving throughout the city the other day, I saw everything from rich historical museums, castles, and ancient architexture (Cape was discovered nearly 600 years ago by the Portuguese until later colonized by the Dutch and British). I learned this is the plant kingdom of the world, second only to the Amazon but blows the Amazon out of the water in per-capita terms with a smaller terrain; boasting the Cape with thousands of species of flora, tree, and flower to the point where you will scratch your head and say "what the heck is that?" One can see seal, penguin and whale (I saw the former two while the latter one was harder to spot) on the beach, and drive inland not-too-far and spot some zebra or drive around and randomly stop for wild baboons to cross the road. And while Cape does give you that spice of Africa, one cannot be misinformed into thinking this is at all a typical or primitive African city. Many locals don't consider this the real Africa. That's not an insult to our friends up north, just a fact of the matter that Cape is also the proud host of some of the worlds greatest technological advancements. It is even said the first heart transplant ever in the world was done here.

One minute, one can dive into the warm Indian ocean. The next, one can go not far to see the brisk but powerful Atlantic. That convergence of two oceans is like the shocking fact that two worlds exist paradoxically in Africa. The newspaper inacurately has told you of only the horror and the shame and the poverty in this land, one would simply have to "see it to believe it" that Africa is in fact full of such beauty one never wants to leave here once they arrive. It's become a lot more than feeling guilty about the poor and responsible to alieve their so-called suffering. It's become a love affair with the land I yet again declare to be spectacular. Mind you, I'm aware that some of those bad things do exist, and I haven't blown it off even while on vacaation. But it's just a fact that one cannot allow a few bad apples to overthrow all that is positive; if we do that we are in fact a victim of the cycle ourselves and admit we are powerless to foresee change or envision a better Africa.

So, needless to say, this vacation is a gift from God. I'm having a great time. Lord willing, more later. I can't upload pictures at moment as I sold my computer, but hope to be able to later. Peace.

the backpacking journey...

2007-11-15T03:02:00.000-08:00

It's a good time of R&R at the moment. I'm backpacking my way around SA. I love the culture that seems to come with staying at these little hostels. I've met people from Germany, Sweeden, the UK, Morocco---just to name a few! Even if we don't share the same faith or same original country, it seems like we all are on some escapade to get away and just find ourselves lost in the beach and life and the bustle of the city of Durban.

I'm in Durban, heading to Cape Town. Enjoying the magnificent display of life. South Africa was rightly named, "the rainbow nation" for a reason. Durban is the biggest Indian settlement outside India. There is much to see, much to do. Delicous seafood and wonderful people to meet. But, the best, of course, has been the long afternoons of reading good books and blasting the iPod with all kinds of good worship. I've enjoyed a lot "God's Ultimate Passion" by Frank Viola. Go get it! It helped unlock a lot within me about the purpose of intimacy I (we) have.

More later!

a backpack, a heart, and Him

2007-11-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

It's now just me, a few backpacks, my heart laid bare before a Father I need to hear from, and Him Himself not for what He says, just Him.

Sold the car today. Got rid of all else. I'm reminded yet again how little this material stuff matters. Not that we can't own it or it is wrong or some other law to set up over nothing. In fact, I plan to re-settle somewhere someday soon and if I need a microwave, for goodness sakes I'll get a microwave. But as my world turns, I know that this situations help me remember the temporary nature of all I steward.

Now, it's a backpack...a bus...some time at a beach...some time exploring...some time listening without feeling guilty for doing absolutely nothing but listening...some unapologetic time of no ministry to man to minister unto One who ministers unto me...

I was feeling like I could understand Hebrews 11 a bit better...especially that line where it says, "they moved into the land that God promised them, without receiving all that they were promised." All I can really tell you is that I came to Africa. I wasn't, and am still not sure where it is I should go. All I know is that I need to be with Him, and then it's ok.

So, time to hit the road and have some fun.

lesson from used car salesmen

2007-11-04T02:30:00.000-08:00

So I've been trying to sell my truck. I'm going to loose money on it, that's a fact with any car after a year and a half. But my year plus included driving on some of the roughest terrain on the earth. So you can imagine the balance between hope and reality I enter into when selling. I do want to get as much as possible out of it just because that immediately relates into what I can afford for the next country I move to.

I go to the dealers and they talk you down. Nothing new there. And this isn't so much culture it's just business, yet these business people here can be tough. I go from dealer to dealer (and dealers just b/c they do offer cash and time is somewhat an issue otherwise private deals would be better). I've heard it all. Some told me I'd never get more than $4,000 (I'll put it all in USD for perspective). It was worth 4 times that much a year ago! (though I bought it for much less from another missionary). I understand depreciation, but give me a break! Others take a long time to point out to me every possible problem I have. Even if I already told them that I won't sell it to them, they seemed to enjoy making me feel like my car was a pile of crap. Some tell me that no one will buy it. The tiniest scratches are made out to be gigantic ruins. I drive one of the most popular "bakkies" (trucks) in South Africa, and yet they almost convinced me that I'd be lucky to trade it for a good pair of (used) shoes to walk around in.

I actually walked away from this, seriously now, thinking my car was worth nothing.

And after dealing with about 10 of these guys, something occurred to me in a new light. We really believe things we shouldn't. I believe things I shouldn't. For example, growing up in public schools, a lot of people told me I'd be a failure at what I did or that I wasn't any good for anything. And we aren't meant to be prideful, but I think it's fair to admit that I can say in all honesty my life is not a failure. There is nothing humble about being insecure, in fact insecurity is actually a variation of pride because it is just another way to look at ourself and to inform God His power cannot do something in us or change our nature in that regard. We all have something that somebody else put into our thinking that we may need to re-evaluate. It may have been from 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years ago. It may have been yesterday. But I really think it would be a good idea to stop and pause and think about that.

So, I got a good offer on the car, about $9,300 if the Rand (SA currency)to Dollar stays where it is in international trade rates. I'll sell it tomorrow and take a backpack later this week across South Africa. But it's funny to think about how such a small thing makes me realize how the words of others affect us more than we care to admit.

a new thing, again

2007-11-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a year of changes. Launching WTN wasn't necessarily something I or we saw coming, but it happened, and it seems it really was God's idea. Now, there is some other change which maybe isn't a surprise to some or is to others; for me it's a bit of both. It's time to leave South Africa, "for good."

I put "for good" in italics because actually I cannot say that the Lord is saying to do it for good. I never want to put Him in a box. I sometimes say I could never live in America for good and then my heart burns with the thought of someday after maybe 40 years of acquiring a fire in Africa from Africa to someday re-ignite my homeland again. (that's just a thought not a plan). So, I can't say I'll never be back in SA. But I can also not say that my heart has any passion or desire to remain.

Therefore, time to hit yet another launching pad. It would be nice in some ways to not feel so drawn to pioneer and start out new. It would be awesome at times to just go with the flow and do what every other person or Christian is doing. But there is just something that calls to the deep in me, and it's the deep that does the calling. I look at forests, at mountains, at long patches of grass and a deep thing calls to me. Beaches, stars, anything that seems practically without a horizon pulls me to also be without horizons or at least live a life not restricted by them. I cannot fully explain this, but I feel like I've been in Africa much more than the reality of 18 months. I feel more like it's been years, from the day I was born every deep thing I ever saw or did or heard from somehow was always pulling me here and I was always here. Every camping trip I did, every hour of soaking in Florida, every late night walk in a park...it is as though in those moments I already was in Africa. Maybe if I share in Christ, and I am in Christ, there is some form of His omnipresence that I (we) get to share in. Maybe if He is everywhere and I am in Him and He is in me I somehow get the smallest glimpse of that by saying "my heart is somewhere else right now." That's a wild thought, eh?

So, though my body is in South Africa, I must say my heart is somewhere else, and has been somewhere else for a long time. I've finally come to that admission. The other day the Spirit asked me, "so, what's in your heart?" I said some things to Him, and it was then He asked, "And, Who put those things there?" You see, sometimes I try to validate the things in my heart or the things I think God says to do. We live in an age and an hour where the number one priority of most ministries is not the fear of God but the fear of man. Submitting to man, obeying leaders of organizations, and going with the ordinary flow of a nice cute little Christian life is justified because some mistakenly think that is the N.T. structure. I'm not saying let's not listen to those that have wisdom and let's get rude and rebellious, but I am saying that it is rebellion for man to put himself above God and take on His role as authority. That's another story. But what I'm driving at is that sometimes we have these dares in our heart, but we justify not following the dare because it isn't ordinary and we might just rock the boat. I remember sitting in youth groups and in discipleship programs and in churches and always hearing messages about "changing the world." There are some people who decide to change the world, but the funny thing is once they start to do it, other people get upset about it because if in fact we change the world, it won't be the same way it's always been before! Go figure, right?

Anyway, there is something out there, somewhere, and the deep in that thing calls to the deep in me. There is a bush, a village, a people, somewhere, that pray to God for me, though I don't know it; and though they maybe don't recognize what their groans are, they still are part of the creation "in eager expectation for the Son's of God to be revealed" (Rom. 8).

Where to next? There are some ideas. Number one is Southern Angola. I estimate from the research I've found from a compilation of other missionary websites that perhaps 10 tribes there are totally unreached or severely under-reached or of lesser reached status at the least. (there are a lot of varieties of views on what reached and unreached means, and I won't get into all of it right now). So, while I want to go there, here is where you can really do some door knocking with me at midnight; the Angolan government hasn't been too keen on USAers lately. They've rejected most VISA requests. So, the idea that seems good to me and to the Holy Spirit is to live on the border of Angola in Namibia, to establish a witness there and to be able to someday cross that border with teams of people that have been discipled and mentored in the ways of the Most High God. Namibia's north still has many of it's own unreached and lesser reached areas, and so it would not be time wasted. And we as Western people carved out Africa on maps through the colonization years in some of the most ridiculous ways, because we say that one nation is here, another is there, but for local people those little lines don't really separate them so much. What I'm coming to is that the ethnic tribes on the north of Namibia are the same or very similar to those in Southern Angola. So, language learning and early relationship building in that region would still have good purpose.

It's a dream, and one that feels like it is of God. It's like looking at something that isn't there yet and saying it's about to be there. Your prayers to call forth the unseen and to change what is seen would be appreciated.

May God shine.

Come and Soak

2007-10-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we had a great time hosting "Come and Soak" as a part of the House of Prayer. The idea is taken from Isaiah 55:1, which tells us to come to the waters even if we are flat broke (my own message version) and so we named it "Come and Soak" which seemed to fit perfectly. Sarah Wessels was our special guest teacher. Some of you probably know of Toronto Airport Fellowship pastored by John and Carol Arnot, well Sarah is their representative in South Africa as a "Soaking Prayer Center" coordinator along with their extension ministry "Catch the Fire". We were blessed by her simple, humble message of being intimate with Jesus and soaking in His presence. Many people expressed that they had been struggling to say a lot or to press in during their personal prayer times, and that this message helped them to realize that the Lord was leading them to just soak in His presence.

We also were especially blessed to have the WIP band with us (Worship, Intercession, and Prophecy) from Pretoria, SA. Their main aim is to flow together some of the spearhead streams in the Body of Christ, especially those areas listed in their name. They are clear in that they are not an organization, but a movement, a way of operating. We really enjoyed connecting with them as friends off the stage. But, while they did lead us into the Lord's presence on the stage, all I can say is my goodness! Wow!

Many gave testimony of inner and emotional healing during the conference. Others were physically healed in the Lord's presence---no laying on of hands or words of knowledge, "just" Jesus! One of our main aims was that no one would remember our name or our organization(s), but that people would walk away and say truly that "God was in that place!" And, He was. His presence was at times nearly tangible. The dancing was not just exciting, but heartfelt and passionate. The soaking was not just quiet and still, but personal and dear. The meditation extended late into the night.

We did take a short break on Saturday night to watch the Rugby World Cup. And I'm happy to say, South Africa won! I know a lot of you don't watch Rugby, it's basically like football without the pads...which is actually pretty cool because you know when they hit each other they must be tough! But I'm pretty happy for South Africa, sounds funny but even the little things like winning Rugby games help create a more positive outlook on this often misunderstood nation. After a long weekend of soaking and ministry, and an even longer week of at least 12 hours a day of things to do (and sometimes 18 hours, seriously) it was a sweet reward to fellowship together. I felt as though I was at home again for just a second, like how back in the youth days the main mission on a Sunday or Wednesday night was to go out to eat together. So our time at a "Mike's Kitchen" munching on appetizers and sipping some coke next to the big screen was pretty awesome.

And then we did come back and soak until 1 or 2 am I think. And then I gave rides home to people from 3 different village / township areas nearby. Yep, long day, spent on the Lord. Our life is being spent whether we choose to spend it or not.

I am still trying to hear from the Lord regarding direction. Your prayers in that regard will be greatly appreciated. Also, a lot of the people that helped in the ministry team with servant hood things like cleaning and cooking are a bit sick (um, including me) from exhaustion. Your prayers for quick recovery would be great.

May God shine!

Update...in the House of Prayer

2007-10-17T03:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on a simple wooden chair, in the back of a conference hall, atop a small sound room elevated slightly off the ground. Before me lies that which is, truly, just another building. I'm not too impressed with buildings and honestly most the time I try to avoid meeting in them, trying to fill up all the stuff between Monday and Saturday that needs to happen while the Body sleeps. But...but...but THIS is different...I don't really understand it yet...I don't really get it yet...I don't even at times know why I'm doing this, or what I'm really supposed to do...but, as I type, there are at the moment 3 people in the room with hearts bare before the Lord. They have been here all morning. One has spent 12 hours a day now for going-on-three-days. I am beyond excited. I am exuberant, delighted, and filled with pleasure.

Anyone who camps often might love fire as much as I do. I'm a camping fanatic, and in fact the farm house at the campground I stay on is pretty much like camping every day of my life. Far out from the city, the peace and quiet is addictive. And nothing coexists with tranquility like a good camp fire. I've learned there are types and sizes and ranges to fires. A like a good, tall, broad fire, one that flickers enough light for me to read a good book and be able to see my hot cup of tea. There were times when I used to be in such a hurry to want a good, tall fire that I would get as much wood as I could, no matter what type it was or what size it was, and just throw what was basically a pile of sticks thinking that chemical fuel would save the day. But often what began as an expedited display of flame and fury would dissipate as quickly as it began. I learned that after such fires I had to basically make an entirely new fire. However, with time I learned that to have a campers delight before me, it was essential to mix different sizes of wood, basing my creation with larger, thicker pieces while not neglecting the need for small twigs and itty-bitty sticks that always have their role to play. And, once the masterpiece was set, the fire began, and thankfully the larger logs were close by, ready to be added once the uproar began.

I think it is like that in any of our worship gatherings. I've seen a lot of things get loud and vibrant only to die off way too quick. So, we have seen Abba lay before us a great foundation of hungry people. In this past week, we've had a meeting where 50 people came to a Holy Spirit party (an impromptu night led by Steefan Hugo with YWAM) and a gathering of 20 soon following, and then a gathering of 8, and then a lot of little gatherings of 3, 4, 5 people here and there...and however and whenever it happens, what we do know that does happen is that we have become closer and closer to seeing 24/7 prayer be a reality. There are those who tell me that they gladly seek to lay down their life for worship and the pursuit of God.

To be honest, it just sort of happened. No, seriously. I didn't plan this. I did plan a conference this weekend named "Come and Soak" and I did plan on having some degree of prayer before hand. But the response and creative, spontaneous nature of God having fun with us has been thrilling and surprising.

So, I continue to sit in my "office" using my phone as a modem to get online a few minutes. I can sit here, get a bit of work done...come back and soak...go do a few more needed things...and waste my life on prayer some more...and then, go act like I need to do something (why do we do that?) and then go do what I was made to do again...ahhh, this is a good life. And it is awesome for others to join in this.

I really feel a big shift has happened, and more is,
yet to come....

Namibia--final (for now)

2007-09-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

Blog final

Thanks so much for standing with us and fighting with us this month. I really appreciate all the many responses on the website’s “prayer room” and for all of those who joined in together with prayer and fasting. I could really feel your prayers sometimes. The warfare was at times great, but the Lord was even greater.

I enjoyed another long week of camping out in the bush. I’ve begun to learn it is impossible to escape the mighty hand of God and His amazing provision in all circumstances---once our path is one with His. The Himba people astounded me with their generosity. On three meals we were given so much beef my stomach ached and my eyes were drowsy. Another time it was goat, and yet another time it was a bean-like dish. Then, when we made it all the way north we could go, up to the very border of Angola, we went fishing! And the Lord gave us pound after pound of fish, at least a dozen catfish and trout. We had so much that we had to give it away. Now, it’s not like we didn’t have food, we brought cases of canned food, bottled water, and for the first two days we had frozen meat stored in ice. Yet, all this provision, even while in the bush, seemed like a huge smile in the sky from God. It was as though He wanted to prove to me that even at the end of the earth, He is there.

That fact is my favorite part of what I do. In my year and almost-a-half of living in Africa, I’ve now spent 4 of those months in nations with predominantly remote areas—twice in Namibia and two months in Mozambique. It is during this time here I’ve learned, much more than I change the bush, that the bush changes me. Like John the Baptist, I feel as though the wilderness is my place of ministry. Even in some ways like Jesus, I feel like my “40 days” out here helps me gain a fire that those in the complacent cities need. I love the fact that in the bush, Father molds me, changes me, and exposes what I need to allow Him to work on…and there was a lot of that for me, especially in the area of patience…things are just simply not high paced in Africa…even while I type, getting a cold coke at a little hotel lodge, I listen to the complaints of some tourists with the fact that their departure is now 30 minutes late….I am tempted to inform them that 30 minutes late is perfectly on time in Africa, maybe even a few minutes early….but, that is the lesson all of us Western people have to learn here…BUT with the price of time delay comes the profit of immense peace. One has to live here to start to understand that. It’s just different in Africa. And, I’ve begun to love it.

We again taught the Scriptures in many places. I found myself focused on the agricultural stories of Jesus. I was enraptured with the fact that He always gave profound truth tucked in stories that any man could understand. So, sharing about seeds on good ground and bad ground, sheep that ran away until the shepherd left the 99, etc, I lavished upon these dear Himba all I knew to give. With such joy I was able to introduce about 50 people into a life of following the Lord and making Him King of their life by becoming disciples. I was confident that He would appear so close and clear to them, that even when we left they would be “entrusted into His grace” like Paul often said when he moved on. It was a lot of fun to hike some places cars couldn’t go. It was sorta fun to drive where cars could barely go, except that you almost get sea sick from all the shaking, bumping, rocking side to side when driving on 30 degree angles, up and down hills, and through roads nothing more than piles of rock---not gravel, just normal rock…but actually those aren’t that much fun after some time…but around every long corner, behind every forest, through every mountain pass lies someone who needs to hear. Bottom line. It’s not about the inconvenience at times, or about the excitement or adventure. It’s not about giving you updates that tickle your ears. It’s about those that the Bridegroom wants to dance with. It’s about being joined with Him to such a degree that our hearts are as much full of love as His, by grace. It’s about seeking Him wherever He may be found…which is possible in a modern life, of course, but seems to be clearer when all other distractions have vaporized against the brilliance of African nature.

I’ve learned much on how to disciple a nomad---though I have much to learn. I must press on. Something in me knows it is my destiny. I ask for your prayers. I am longing to do more permanent work in these regions. Not to say I am leaving South Africa for good, or soon, but, the time of transition may be nearer than I think. I’ve fallen in love with so many village kids, with the faces of hundreds glued to my eyes. I love telling others about hope. I love watching new life become activated in others. I love that no matter how much I pour out, Abba pours much more back into me. This really is not a sacrifice, this is life in all it’s fullness.

In Him,
Nate

Namibia #4

2007-09-15T02:20:00.000-07:00

If you are wondering what that is that I'm eating, it's goat intestines. Yummy.

I am just returning from a week of camping out in the Namibian bush. I have said this before, and will say this again, much more than I have changed the bush does the bush continue to change me. I find that as I leave behind most reminiscences of my Western way of living, I become something else. As I camp in the most remote villages I’ve been to this far, tiny little pockets of life tucked inside massive regions of nature, dependency upon God seems to somehow become more necessary. One cannot just go and get a cold drink or a fresh piece of meat. Canned food and rice become our staple day by day. A shower is a splash of water, within ration for what is needed to drink that week.

Yet these slight challenges correspond with great joy and peace. Long walks under the abundant display of stars, gazing seemingly endlessly upon undefiled sunsets, and sipping tea around vibrant camp fire become a great delight. Yet, best of all was all the friendships formed with those not so unlike myself.

The Himba people have completely astounded me with their joyful contentment. They are a people not far from salvation. Many have already given their lives to Christ, thanks in large to the ministry of Every Home For Christ here in Namibia. But for those who are not yet followers of Jesus, it is interesting to minister to those who in many ways resemble my Lord more than we (I) do. Greed is nearly non-existent amongst a people who for the most part have a currency of cattle and agriculture. Selfishness is far removed from those living in communal culture. Peace, joy, and love abound along with great generosity, as I’m given large portions of meat, beans, and “pap” (a mashed form of corn-maize meal). Sexual immorality is, in many ways, not as idolatrous amongst those who do not put the filth of American movies television and pornography into their system, for electricity itself is a luxury unknown to these nomads.

So this week with all my heart did I drink in the Gospel of John, squeezing the pages like a fresh fruit, hoping to taste every sweet nectar of life that Jesus taught, and longingly hoping to pour out fresh words of life upon the thirsty hearts of the Himba. We were able to lead a few people here and there to the Lord, and to connect them with believers in their area, but it was the believers that a great bulk of our ministry was unto this week. I would not say that teaching is my greatest gift, but I asked Abba to help me where I am weak, and He was very good to do so. I poured out everything from John chapters 3, 4, 6, 14, 15, and 16 that I felt the Father telling me to say in relevant paraphrase unto my tribal friends. I saw hearts begin to be lit with a new flame as they learned of the abundant river of the Spirit flowing without limit on the earth today, even reaching out to their remote villages. Women, sitting often alone with their kids while the men are out watching their massive flocks of cattle, were touched with the Lords love for a woman of another race at the well. Many were amazed that Jesus would multiply food at such incredible rates, and equally amazed that He then instructed us not to worry about such bread, for He Himself was what we were meant to eat (John 6). My perhaps favorite subject has been what I felt obligated to deliver, and that was the relationship with God’s Spirit we are all entitled to, telling them not to worry about the physical location of Jesus, for He promised that as He arose into Heaven, he would leave behind His very Spirit, and that was the Spirit we received when we called on His name for salvation. That Spirit told us why we should not steal, and now tells us all that the Father had told Jesus. That same Spirit lives in us just like Jesus lived in the Spirit, making us one as He was One (mostly taken from John 14, 15, and 16). I tried to keep the words as simple as His revelation of friendship, but not to withhold the great full measure of outpouring that I know Abba has given to, truly, all flesh. With all within me did I try to convey all that Papa had given me, hoping as I then spoke of the first church being they who began in prayer, worshiping God night and day, until the Spirit of Jesus would fall on them with fire. I then would leave with encouraging these young believers to continue to pursue the fire of God available for them.

It is hard to disciple nomads in a typical sense. To reach a Greek, one becomes a Greek, to reach a nomad, one must be a nomad. Nomads don’t live in one place for long. The people we visited this week were on the opposite side of the province, seeking better land for their cattle to graze for now. They do not read or write. So, typical ways of Sunday School and institutionalized you-come-to-my-building forms of ministry are utterly irrelevant. Pray for me. I am asking Father for greater direction as to the foreseeable season I wish for when I will live and spend a greater amount of my life in such places. For now, much of what I do is my own training and learning, for there is little to no instruction I’ve ever known of in modern missions for true frontier, pioneer work.

So, after twisting and turning on the rough roads of rural areas, I am ready for my first hot water shower this week and a drink that is colder than room temperature. Yet my eyes are full of the scars of these people, I have their image tattooed into my very being.

Namibia #3: quick update

2007-09-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
the blog as of late has been a great tool in prayer updates. A short summary from this weekend:
was able to minister all day on Saturday, and preach on Sunday. Strong impact in the lives of many young people. Spoke on having a passion for Jesus, taken from Lev. 6:13 and the mandate in our lives to "never let the fire stop." A sincere hunger for Jesus, I believe, was imparted in the lives of many there.

Today, another week out in the bush awaits us. Taking 3 young men I get to mentor and disciple while doing evangelism--and they help translate. Praying that light would shine in a dark place.

Thanks for praying. More later, after this week, Lord willing.
May God shine on you

Namibia #2

2007-09-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

Just a few days so far into the journey of Namibia. Already, my spirit begins to scream hallelujah from deep within. The deep of the bush cries unto the deep in me (Psalm 42:7). I am happy to have met the group of young guys in the picture next to my truck. We just got back on a short 2 day, overnight journey into the far corners of Namibia. We started off getting some things at a local store, packing up, and then…

The journey began, for less than a minute on a paved road. Then, a quick shift into the gravel road began. Going out West of Opuwo for maybe a dozen kilometers, we made a quick left down South, which we carried on for about an hour. This gravel road was twisting and turning and would segue into pure dirt. A good number of bumps along the road never hurt anyone. After a good time of driving at a decent speed of 80-kph, we finally found our next left, which was (to me) more like a trail than a road. How my friends saw it, I’m not sure. Turning left into somewhere, I found that the truest middle of nowhere was ahead of me, and this nowhere to me was a somewhere to someone. Maneuvering through a narrow forest-like path, we find splintered trees in maybe 4 or 5 big pieces in the wake of an Elephant who seems to have been in a hurry to go somewhere, and must not have read the nature conservation rules about harming trees. Upon this path, a slower speed of 40-kph is safe and gives the eye plenty of time to scan the wonder of the land. A trace of life begins to emerge again, with cattle grazing openly, without modern fencing and enjoying the open, spacious roaming upon the arid hillside. After this little trail, comes nothing more than a hill with a small slope, and a lot of rocks up the hill. “Go there” my friends tell me. “Go where?” I wonder. Over “there” again turns out to be somewhere. We first greet some cattle ranchers on horse back, sitting down without any form of shade available while there cows and goats get a cold drink. Again, we continue up the hill now at no more than 10-kph, and I’m thinking and wondering all sorts of things, like just exactly when are my tires going to burst on the rocky road we created. Then, we approach the top fairly quickly, and find a view of half a dozen Himba villages, which look like little dots spread out across dozens of square miles of open land. We’ve arrived.

It’s still early in the day, so we set up our tent and grab an early lunch, resting from the drive and hoping to avoid as much of high-noon as possible. I first of all ask the four brothers with me to wait upon the Lord with me. We crank on the cd player from the truck, which becomes the only interruption in the perfectly quiet afternoon, and we soak with some worship mixes. I am particularly grabbed from a Rick Pino song, where he declares the voice of the Lord saying over us “the Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Charged by these words and the goodness of the Lord, we gather our voices and lift up one praise unto the King, knowing a day of victory is ahead. I sip on some water, load my back pack, and prepare to go where the truck can no longer take me. Another 2 kilometers lies one of many Himba villages without a church. Arriving in what seemed to have been a short walk thanks to my excitement of this adventure, we begin to greet a small group of people gathered under a tree. We say little, and are asked much. Question after question, and with all our ears open to the Spirit, we ask God to give us words for the people. These people have been visited before, yet no church is anywhere near---not for dozens of miles. After our chat, prayer requests stack up. We pray with faith, asking God to show these people the reason why we believe. All enter into pray with us, with an innate sense of reverence, almost as though they are aware this is the God they have always wanted to know. We head back to our camp after some time, visiting just a few people on the way. We prepare dinner and find a small group of young me seem to have radar built into their nose. But they come not for food, just to see us and to kick a soccer ball. Sitting under a shade tree, we enjoy a few hours of relationship together. We are expecting others to join us later, as we had invited them to stop by.

None arrive. No matter. The Lord accomplishes His will perfectly. A single old sits and asks question after question, with a simple, child like reasoning about Him. Things puzzle him, such as “if God had a Son, how could those people kill that Son?” and “Why would He not just kill them after He raised from the dead.” I sit and listen---through translation of course---learning of the honest nature of an old Himba man. I take off for a short walk, overwhelmed with the challenge of learning any language other than my own. As the sun sets, a lovingly cool wave of air pours upon the open land. I stop on this walk, just taking a second to think of one word I find myself saying a lot at times like this… “wow.” I cannot help but marvel, nearly providing drool from my mouth, at how breathtaking this sight is. Any of the pictures I tried to take fail to compare to what I’ll try to describe. The red sun began to fall from the sky and rest upon the horizon, overlooking it’s prey from the previous day of heat. It’s color is vividly authentic, without any distortion from urban pollutants, and finally it’s beauty is swallowed by the horizon…but then, the stars have begun to come out and play. They spread themselves like a white blanket across the sky, not just in clusters, but in what looks like entire galaxies as again the man made cannot distort the God made in this place. I stop to sit by now. I find that the silence says more to me than anything else could say. This was not the silence in between great noises, it was the consistent silence that is the envy of every vacation. In this silence, a gentle whisper begins to blow in my heart, somehow I find a great anointing coming down upon me, sensing that even here I stand on a Holy ground. I cannot say what was said in that dialogue, for it was not in words, in English, or in any tongue, of heaven or of earth. I just simply knew that I was with Someone, with The One, with my Papa God. His indescribable attributes became all the more present, as in fact nothing else on the earth was present, at all. I remembered the day He called me, the day He put His future into my heart, and was amazed that that future is now my past.

I return dazzled to the campfire near our tent. Amber light trickles up and mixes itself with the white glow from the sky, and again a flash light is not necessary. Music cannot sing like moments like this do. We sit with the old man, who claims to not like our faith, but cannot help but ask maybe a hundred questions as the night goes by---possibly more hungry for truth than those who warm the pews and dare not ask a thing on that other side of the world I came from. I continue to just meditate, thinking more than saying. Thoughts by the millions come through the brain. Finally, after more hot tea, talking, and laughter, sleep comes quickly and without need to wind down after a good, purposeful day, a day with more purpose than most things I’ve done before.

We awake early, visit more people, pouring God’s love as much as we can. I speak on God’s Whisper to some young believers, taken from 1 Kings 19. The stories of Elijah and his journey to the wilderness seems not too distant anymore, as if we are nearer now to the One Who shook the ground and split the rocks and sent the fire before that whisper came…the children have no trouble paying attention, for these are not ordinary stories but those of life. We pray for the sick, and find an eagerness to receive all that is God in the lives of these people.

The drive back to town seems almost odd, as though I am leaving that which I became. But I know that there are still a few more trips like this ahead, perhaps for even as long as a week will we sleep like this, live like this, and become this. In just two days of life in the bush of Africa, I felt as though life were more real than it is now. A sleeping part of me woke up and went out to play, and play it did.

More of this coming, next week, Lord willing. We prayerfully plan a trek where a vehicle cannot go, and where the messengers of the Gospel also have not gone before.

Namibia #1

2007-09-04T04:42:00.000-07:00

Warm greetings in Jesus name.

Just arrived to this little town of Opuwo. Planning now some outreach into the bush, perhaps as early as tomorrow. Taking teams of young men with, which allows for mentoring to take place in their lives while doing the work of an evangelist. Penetrating the Kaokoland area of NW Namibia with the light of Jesus Christ. Also, invited to minister this Sunday at the local church, Opuwo Community Christian Church. Will be speaking about developing intimacy with God.

But the drive here was awesome. Here are a few pictures above.

Leaving the mountanous region of NW South Africa, the venture began seemingly downhill as the flat open space of Botswana was all around. Little to say of Botswana, it is a lot like having to go through Nevada to get to California. Just a lot of sand. Then, the open space began to populate again once the border crossing into Namibia took place. Finally, a good nights rest in a Hotel in Windhoek, the bustling capitol of Namibia. What an interesting city that is...not quite a metropolis but definitely not just a small town. Full of Germans, Afrikaaners, and all sorts of tourists looking to take adventure into the thick beauty that is Namibia. Departing Windhoek is where the fun really begins. Signs warn of Elephant crossings, Wart Hog crossings, and Kudo too. The red sun set seems undisturbed and vividly natural without much trace of pollution in a country of less than 2 million. The annoyance of stopping for cattle unkept in any form of fencing is paid for when one can drive past monkeys, wild dogs, and all sorts of wild life still preserving some trace of the traditional wonder that is Africa.

Stopping in BP gas stations and getting cold ice and such reminds me that this is indeed a new Africa, where two worlds have collided and formed some place that isn't entirely 3rd world nor entirely 1st world. The phrase I read once where God looked for "one who would stand in the gap" becomes increasingly real in such a place. One can get online, talk on a cell phone, go out to eat, and yet drive past mud huts and stick homes. It is impossible to ignore the poverty of Africa, yet also impossible to ignore the wealth within Africa and ask such questions as why do those with much always keep it to themselves?

At any rate, the drive alone through any region of Africa is a story in and of itself. However, as up coming treks into the Himba villages are about to take place, the real story will come to you again, soon.

thanks for praying,
Nate

preparation and packing

2007-09-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

Loading up the bakkie, or as you say, truck.
But before it's time to hit the road, true preparation had to take place. And then, finally, a few snacks never hurt.

Prayer pictures from various gatherings in homes and at House of Prayer. This is the foundation for anything about to happen in Namibia. These pictures also represent various streams of ministries flowing together as one. Represented are friends from Bible Believers Church, YWAM Rustenburg, Voice of Power Ministries, and Watch the Nations. In each of these meetings, we stood in agreement together, blessing one another in their work for the Lord with audible edification and prayerful encouragement. Psalms 133 speaks of unity being a form of anointing. We now trust God as we seek to do more of the same in Namibia.

groceries!!! (Hey, a man's gotta eat!) By the way, "billtong" is a lot like beef jerkey, but dare-I-say, much better.

Well, everything is almost ready. I'm excited to hit the road, finally. It has been 6 months of wanting to be faithful to God's call to the city via Luke 24. Now, a short release seems fitting, to go forth and trust God to do every miracle He can and wants to do. It would help if the Lord sees fit, someday, to raise up a team to go with on these journeys. I admit, I long for that. But, I know I'm not alone. Saying God is omnipresent has much more to do with intimacy than theology. I know that I know that I'm in for a long 20 + drive with Him into the land He loves.

On my way tomorrow morning by about 5 am or so, will hit the capitol of Windhoek, Namibia by tomorrow evening, Lord willing. Will be picking up Bibles and things for the missionary up in the NW corner of Opuwo, Namibia (in map in other entry).

Please, join in prayer. May Abba shine on you.

pre-Namibia info

2007-08-31T01:49:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

I figured the die-hard blog readers would be the best to inform first, I'm taking a trip up into the north of Namibia. Will be connecting with a ministry named "Every Home for Christ" which is working in remote desert areas of NW Namibia and SW Angola. This will be a chance to have an open door to reach the still largely unreached Himba people, living a nomadic life where church planting in a typical sense can be hard when people move all the time. Also, will be near the Angola border, and am hoping to find a greater connection there as Angola is a country I have LONGED to get into for years now. The missionary I'm working with is South African, and ironically Angola allows South Africans access into that country, but not Americans with post-communist government mentality still intact to a large degree. That does a few things to me 1. want to see that change 2. want to raise up hundreds of South Africans to go into countries that don't allow us

PRAYER: I really want to ask a favor this month. It's absurd. I want to ask everyone to find a day during September to fast and pray on behalf of Namibia and the Himba tribe. I had this picture come to mind of how in natural warfare, they always send in the air-force before the foot soldiers go into the land. You, my friend, are the air-force in the Kingdom. Watch the Nations itself is completely founded on intercessory prayer. So, do us a favor, pick a day, any day, during September to bombard the heavenly realms with prayer and try, if you feel drawn to, to give up a meal, to give up coffee or coke or to fast entirely for that day...I feel so good about this one...a group of South Africans here have already agreed to do some fasting this month. How brilliant would an international intercessory effort be? Wow God.

Also, I'm wanting to write and update as often as possible on the way, so keep checking back at the blog for more.

Another also, we are changing the page "prophetic declaration" at the website soon to "prayer room" just to allow greater flexibility for those who maybe just want to post a prayer or scripture...prophetic words are still welcome, but for some that seems to have been intimidating. At any rate, PLEASE post a prayer on behalf of the Himba people, or on behalf of the country of Namibia. Also, please post the day of the month you want to enter into warfare and suggested fasting during September. It won't be an oath that will bind you, but just a faith-boosting agreement between those that love God and love Africa.

baie danke! (thank you!)

the question of invitation

2007-08-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

It is a cloudy, near-the-end-of-winter day here in South Africa. I'm longing for the September spring weather to come, and to soak in the sun a bit, or to get in the truck and cruise throughout more exotic regions in Southern Africa. I love nature, and that is perhaps the greatest reason why the past few months of staying inside and sipping coffee really need to come to a close. Today it's a Saturday, where virtually all life and business comes to a halt in any African nation; ours being slightly different having massive shopping malls, but not that different as even they will close much earlier than anything back West.

I find myself alone today, which has its ups and downs. It can be a bit lonely at times, although our Home Fellowship group has been a God-given group of friends for me, as we continue to enter into greater day-by-day relationship. But at the moment, my purpose for a few hours is to hide, to be alone, not because I have to be or because I'm rejected or don't have anyone; but because I want to...I want to cross the other side of the lake on a boat and listen to a voice within me that I need to allow to permeate my insides more and more.

The thing is this: sometimes I have fallen into performance and response to man made pressure, yes, even as a missionary. Sometimes I feel guilty for the freedom of my schedule, which allows me to spend considerable pro-portion of my early morning hours unto the Lord. Sometimes I think I need to use more of my effort to go "do" more ministry, even if it wasn't inspired by the Spirit, just because, well, it's part of the "job." Yet, it was as if just now, as I made some beef soup and enjoyed slow moments of meditation, Papa posed this question in my heart: "why did I make you? Did I make you to be busy? Did I make you to work without me? Or, was the very purpose you were made to worship Me? Have I not given you shelter? Have I not given you this time to soak with Me?"

And in that question is an invitation, the blissful freedom of shameless worship, and the great gift of being a God-lover.

prayer pictures

2007-08-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
I thought that would be enough to say this time.

the new generation

2007-08-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

I suppose I cannot get away from the fact that being a sort of "youth pastor" will always be in my blood. Maybe its because of the fact that I was a hurting, broken teenager that was loved in High School, had an arm around my shoulder the first night I went to a youth group, and was loved and accepted in an environment that was sincere and genuine. Like the Apostle Paul, I needed someone to be sent to me early in my walk and to "restore my sight." That wealthy gift of extravagent love was like a man in a starving nation being given a gigantic herd of cattle---how could he not share???

These brothers memorized the first two verses of Isaiah 55:1,2; and they passed the food court exam with flying colours. If you look up those verses, and find out what happens to those without money and those who are hungry, you will see with me how brilliant it was of the Spirit of God to teach these guys revelation of that particular Word.

So, these young men in this photo are amongst a spontaneous collection of youth that I've been priveleged to know. I am espicially happy, to be blunt, to see our racial mixture develop. I haven't had a week go by in South Africa where somebody doesn't explain to me the racial tension and difficulty in this land. Two big reasons why that gives me infinite annoyance: the fact that I didn't get here yesterday, and, the fact that Christians often don't look any different to non-Christians in terms of authentic love for those of another background. They are going to have such a tough time in heaven, if they make it!

Yet, it seems to be an almost spiritual law that pizza can break down any barrier. Maybe pizza carries an anointing? Maybe there was an angelic visitation in Italy so many moons ago and the exact recipe was handed down to man on golden scrolls and revelation was birthed as to how every Christian fellowship could continue to have a great meet-in-the-middle meal that would unite brethren for aeons to come!

Or, maybe it just tastes really good, and our sizable Greek population in South Africa doesn't do such a bad job at giving us this wonderous treat. By far, this land is majestically diverse, and its differences are like scenic nature to me; the deep blue sky only accentuates the rich green grass, and when the two come together you have yourself a day made for picnics. This picture above is a claim in faith that black and white and all others can allow themselves to be one as we already were in the Christ, and our union will actually be a mighty force to be reckoned with.

just checking

2007-08-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really in Africa. I've got a good truck with a cd player. Every couple of weekends, I go to a movie theatre to unwind my visionary brain that never stops spinning. Once a week or so (sometimes more I admit) I can get something for takeaway at a fast food joint, or sit down somewhere and fellowship over a fresh cup of coffee(and tonight I look forward to Mug and Bean in Pretoria, not a bad spin-off from Starbucks here). These things at times make me wonder if I really am in Africa. Partly, that is because of an overly inacurate portrayel of doom and gloom that western media overemphasizes of the "dark continent." In my opinion, this is largely done for good fund raising. And thusly it has affected missions as well...the typical pictures of kids in tears, crying their eyes out...while this is often warranted, at times I've seen really good photos made that undoubtedly will pull the strings of the heart, but in reality the only reason that kid was crying was because he or she fell over while playing soccer or some other issue not too unfamiliar to any other typical issue any child on earth faces in day to day fun.

Wow, that was another infamous bunny trail. Coming back to it, today I'm reminded that for 100% sure I live in Africa. Even though South Africa has one of the top currencies in Africa and many live a suburban type life here, things at times, well I need to be nice about this---they drive me crazy! Take last night. I go to the ATM to get cash, because today in a few minutes (it's 8 a.m. my time) I leave for Pretoria for a one day workshop on how to run a movement of 24 / 7 prayer. I'm excited to go, and wanted to prepare far in advance last night by getting cash for fuel and tolls along the way (you can never put your fuel on a card here). So, I pull out R500, almost $100 for the trip. The card comes in and out, and they are kind enough to give me a reciept free of charge. One problem: no money. I call the "help line" on the paper, only to find out they basically say wait till tomorrow. "Thanks so much for your time!" was the sarcastic response I craved to give...It's now 8:07 am and I wanted to be on the road much sooner than this. I was awake at about 5:30 ready to go, excited to gain practical insight and connect with some brilliant South African people. But the banks don't open till 8:30, which isn't so uncommon. The workshop starts at 9am, and I can promise you that it won't be a quick ordeal at the bank. I've had at least 147 times where in "customer service" I as the customer am essentially told that I did something wrong. There were the dinner reservations I made 2 months ago for my friends from the states (which I may say was there only time at a good resturant after two weeks of village food and PB&J sandwhiches), where we were told we had 10 minutes to eat our food once it came so the next table had a seat...there was the car repairs where I was charged double the quoted price and when asked why it was more than quoted I was told I was a "rude American." I know that often bad service happens in the states, but, the difference is that here, good service rarely if ever happens.

Then, there is the electricity where I live. It sort-of works. This morning, I take a kettle and boil some water so I can kinda-sorta-shower. 4 kettles of water later and a few handfuls of water from the bucket, and I'm ready now to go. It's 8:11am now. The hot water heater, when turned on, turns of power for this half of the base. The other night on a cold August night, near the end of winter with spring coming in our hemisphere, there was again no power---and in this land central air or heating is considered a luxury (which in many respects it is I assure you).

Now, would I trade this life for anything? Not a chance. It's now 8:14am. I'm almost out the door. A few hours of listening to Rick Pino and some really rockin' anointed music has me excited to see this baby that is birthed here brought to adulthood. A few Bill Johnson / Bethel Church podcasts to listen to on the way, and I trip to a McDonalds drive through that I'm planning on have me ready to enjoy the morning. The fact that South African people have blown me away with kindness and hospitality in recent weeks keeps me addicted to the love of my friends here. The fact that a brother walked 7 kilometers to our fellowship last friday and gave his heart to Jesus, that is priceless---and that likely wouldn't happen in a land where everyone is content with what they own and all they have.

8:18. Gotta go.
The dichotomy of Africa is an intersection between great challenge and great victory; the dual nature of trial that causes joy. I mistakenly asked God for patience one time...hmmmm....

-Nate

deep unto deep...eagles unto eagles

2007-08-03T02:48:00.000-07:00

I've made some new neighbors since I moved to the farm. I'm not so sure they are the kind that I actually have to "love like I love myself..." being that they are a bunch of geese and turkeys--literally. (I know you may say the same thing of your next door friends...) but really, I'm at this farm / missions base / place where lots of things are going on. The owner here keeps a small animal farm and people like to come and feed the birds here. There is a big ostrich, chickens, goats, pigs, turtles...and geese. Now, these geese keep me up all night long. Every squawk makes me think a thief is coming. I wouldn't mind if hunting season opens up here...

Okay, but I've got a point coming. What is odd to me is how content these winged birds are with their cage. Whenever they like to leave some droppings on my front porch I chase them off, and notice, "hey, they CAN fly!?!" You wouldn't think they can, because they are always go back to the cage. (The cage doesn't have a top so they can fly back in.) All it takes is keeping them fed each day, and they will put up with the cage. So do the turkeys, the chickens, all of them.

But imagine an eagle in a cage. That just sounds bad. That's like saying imagine having a giraffe in your kitchen cupboard. I mean, it is possible to cage an eagle. But have you ever been in any type of zoo and seen that sad look in the eyes of animals that aren't let loose? They take the food...they grunt when kids walk by...they keep a good pile of doo-doo in the cage...hmmmm....

A friend of mine the other day, Jannis (Yan-is, which is a guys name here) told me an absolutely amazing story. We started an intercessory prayer group on Tuesday nights called "the prayer watch." 6 of us along with another 6 YWAM students soaked and soaked in total for maybe 4 hours, and the Spirit did a lot in our fellowship together. One core value of ours in WTN is mutual edification, where we all minister unto each other and don't have one-man-show-ministries. Jannis said, "They did this experiment. They took a baby eagle and put it amongst some chickens to see if the eagle would think like a chicken. After some time, the eagle grew, but didn't fly. It would just walk around like the other chicks, even though it was much bigger. They kept it in a cage where it had the option of leaving, but would always stay, and still, it would not fly. One day, they wanted to see what would happen once it interacted with another eagle. They took it to a place where eagles were known to live, and kept it in the same cage with the chickens. Then, the adult eagle few high above this younger eagle. Upon hearing the cry of the older eagle, the younger eagle left the cage and began to fly."

There is the cry from the deep waters of the Spirit, such as the words of Jesus "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." (Luke 5:4) There IS an awakening taking place. The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy (Revelation 19:10), which is why that gift is being unlocked in the hearts of many--it's a testimony to Jesus. It's in your heart. It's in mine. You have the ability to soar within you. We all do. "It's not just in some of us, it's in all of us." (Nelson Mandela, first black-African elected president of South Africa) You have the desire to do great things inside you, for mighty is the Spirit of God that breaths in you. This is a time for activation. This is an hour where we are all becoming equals in the Kingdom. No longer will man glory, at all, alongside the glory of God. The very Spirit of God is tearing down the ability for man to be recognized. That explains that disgusted feeling you get when you watch a lot of (not all) Christian t.v. You, me, and billions of people have that innate voice-recognition of older eagles within us. We just need to hear the cry, and we will soar. Do you hear it now?

My friends, don't stay in the cage, whatever that is for you. Don't be another spiritual chicken. Don't let anyone convince you that you are just a "lay person" in the church---that phrase is not in the Word of God (really, look it up). Don't put up with the box. Soar. Sure, there is food in the cage, but there is also a big pile of poop in there...until the zoo worker cleans it up of course. But you weren't meant for that. Fly. Soar.
"A voice says, CRY OUT!!!" (Isaiah 40:6)

3am memories: pancakes & coffee

2007-07-29T17:51:00.001-07:00

So yeah it's late. Really late. I can't sleep. Maybe, just maybe...ok not so maybe, it definitely has something to do with those post-theft thoughts...the base I'm on is safe enough and all, it's just my place is far from everyone else---except the geese and goats...and the geese make for great aka annoying night watchmen (no spiritual parallels there) but besides the fact that it's a cold July winter, the winds are blowing, and each tap on the door sounds like a crook...there is another reason to be awake...I was looking through Myspace for a bit, listened to my buddy Will and his new song, and couldn't help but go back to H.S. late night trips to IHOP (the pancake one) and Waffle House in good ol' Tulsa Oklahoma. I then had a weird-I'm-getting-old moment where I realized soon my lil' sis' is turning 15 and another not-so-little one is getting married soon...dang it time goes by...and then I was looking through Myspace, and not picking on anyone but a lot of good friends in the Lord from back in the day aren't following Jesus anymore...I mean not just pew sitters but the some of the deep of the deep....just when I was thinking about some ways in which I do miss home, I realized that plan b. could be working a job that I'm not called to, married to whoever was available or whoever got pregnant first, and already tied down in a tricky suburb web of post modern issues....I was reminded that "anyone who seeks to keep his life will loose it" and indeed I'm already watching across the world as people are keeping what they have and, well...nuf' said....

And besides the ranting and raving of late night thoughts, the love of Papa has been soaking me...but nothing to deep to reveal so I cooked up some pancakes, made some coffee, and in another hemisphere where toilets still flush backwards and winter comes at the wrong time of year, I meditated upon the goodness of the Lord. I was glad for those yester-years of late night pancakes (okay and a toilet-papering job here and there) and yet look forward with realization that this day today is also a day I will miss at some point. I look forward to living this life in Africa as long as Daddy has for me. And, hey, who would have thought that one could have a Waffle House moment in South Africa??? Somehow, though, I know that I know that the Lord cares about stuff like this. I know He sees it, He knows where I'm at, how I feel...and as I listened to my friends song "Most Lovely" and ate my pancakes (with bacon I may add) I knew that somehow, somewhere, in this moment of life, Abba was here, with me...sure, wasn't at a big crusade, saving millions or feeding billions but...I was with Someone Who was better than it all...and have a feeling I'll be with Him some more...

Wherever you are, and however you are, may Abba shine.
love
Nate

revelation of Jesus

2007-07-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

2 Cor. 4:10 "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may be revealed."

How many of us like this verse? Not me. I love it, but I don't like it too much. I need to like it. So do you. If we want to see Jesus revealed on the earth, we have to carry around His death. What does that mean?

It means that altough I've seen nothing shy of miraculous things in my time in Africa, even watching as a missions team of young people this last month were the ones to see the blind healed, it is not in the miraculous where a revelation of Jesus will always come from. It also means that when theives come to steal almost $5,000 USD worth of things from my home, I then enter into a death where I choose to let me bitter, unforgiving nature be killed in order that the life of Jesus can come to the earth. It means that when some make jokes about me because I am "lazy" after spending my day in prayer and not "working" that I shrugg off the words of man. If it is true that Jesus is far greater than I, it is also true that I must not remain as I am in order to allow others to see Him in me.

There is so much good to tell you of, but like Paul I feel drawn to "boast in my weakness." I have felt weak at times lately, have doubted the destiny of God and have been afraid at night. I've mistakenly thought my life was in my hands or the hands of men, and have had to be reminded that I am in the very hand of the Maker of galactic wonder. I have now seen people getting their life right with God just in His presence. A few weeks back at House of Prayer, a young man was convicted of sin just becuase of the anointing in the room---no sermon was there (or allowed for that matter) and he ran to another youth and begged "lead me to Jesus!!!" and within minutes another man, unknowing that his salvation was only minutes long, began to prophecy a destiny over this baby in the Lord. And yet seeing these things is not something I can hide behind or keep. As I lay my head on a pillow at night, no large ministry will be satisfactory. Only will a walk and talk with my Papa in heaven.

So, I choose to carry death in my heart, the death of Jesus, the very Biblically accurate path where spiritual prosperity comes intertwined with crucifixion.

May you be blessed with His revelation,
Nate

Non-traditional Desire

2007-06-09T06:29:00.001-07:00

I was reading in the Psalms the other day and I found the words of David were very radical for his day. "Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, but my ears You have pierced, burnt offerings and sin offerings You did not require." (Psalm 40:7) Wait a second, didn't Moses set up requirements for offerings? Didn't the Bible require this? I have to wonder what Nathan and Gad, the prophets at the time of David, thought of this prayer of David. Maybe David didn't publish it right away...

Was David wanting to be "rebellious?" Was he out of line with God? Was his doctrine in error? No man. The fuel behind this passion in David is found in the next verses. "Then I said, it is written about ME in Your scroll. I DESIRE to do Your will, O MY God, your law is written in my heart." (Psalm 40:8-9) David knew God as his God, not just the God. He understood something that is still hard for many to get even in the New Testament times today, that the Lord wasn't after obedience to rules, but the Father wanted kids that love their Dad so much that rules seem a bit funny, because we sit upon the lap of our Papa free of charge. Anyone that reads about David knows that he did still offer God sacrifice. He wasn't breaking rules, he was just so close to his God that he could dare to say things like this.

Think about the modern equivalent to his words: "Holy Communion and Water Baptism you do not desire, for I will drink of Your love and eat Your Words; I will dive into Your Spirit fully immersed and not just sprinkled. I find myself cleansed in You, for You are my Jesus, not the church Jesus man made you into, but mine, and I love You." Kinda freaky eh? But really, think about it. Did Jesus want you to mindlessly drink grape juice and eat crackers but never enter His suffering? Did He come so that you could attend meetings about Him? I propose to you something entirely valid and justified: Jesus would rather have you stop your ordinances and your doctrine filled life, and to dare to know Him.

His desire is above your tradtion.

Thankful For Life

2007-06-03T03:44:00.000-07:00

There is always so much that we ask the Lord for. Lately I find myself an observant person of life. Children can be lots of fun to watch, most the time anyways. I love kids very much, anyone who goes with me on outreach knows I play with kids mostly for my sake because they are just really cool. Yet, I find a slightly annoying trait in even the cutest, youngest child---ingratitude. No matter if it is a well to do Western child or a beloved African child with economic difficulty I notice time and time again that children love to receive but it is rare for a child to be thankful.
Why does that bother me? Like anything else, I've come to find the things I don't like in others are often the things that reveal something about myself. The exposure of that trait in another works like some sort of perpetual mirror, and I then see a reflection of my own lack of thankfulness within the lives of others.
Take the car accident I went through, pictured above. I have every "right" it seems to be angry, upset, even take a man to court. A person in town pulled out in front of me the other day, and no matter how I tried to avoid him it seems he was just destined to hit me. As I move to pass, he comes into that very lane. Because of racial tensions and the fact that I was in a more traditional white part of town, a neighborhood full of people were ready to jump on the guy and point out how wrong he was. He was wrong, and I know for me I am all for equality in terms of how mad I can be. I can be equally frustrated by both white and black men, if anything even white men can often get me the worst.
Despite these "rights" we usually think we have, and the justification we often try to find a way to grab onto, I am choosing to just be thankful for life. I really could be dead. This accident reminds me of many other difficulties I've been through. Father has been so kind and awesome to bring me through it all before. Why is this different? Why do I so quickly forget what the God of the Jordan River has done for me before? Maybe I am just like those children who are given a piece of candy and grab onto it hastily and run thinking that little candy is the last they will taste in their life. Maybe I am just like the child who has it all and yet thinks that I need more. On a continent with so many unemployed and living below poverty levels, my ingratitude is not just tolerable, it is absurd.
"Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is going to come upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you." James 5:1-6
Rarely have I ever heard that passage quoted, in fact I can't think of one time a preacher has dared to preach upon that. In an age where money and possessions are the god of many, one must allow the Lord to test us in each area of our life. This week I reflect on just how bad things could be and again remember what really matters. Sure, I'd love to have my truck right now, but just because it will be in the shop for a week really isn't such a big deal. Within a few miles, easily, someone is hopeless and hungry. I choose to get over myself and to fear the God who was behind that passage from James, I choose this day to be thankful.

Garlic Anointing

2007-05-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

Hey there,

well it was an awesome weekend. The worship was long and extensive and we drank deep in the love of God. Father saw fit to draw a good crowd of us up into Him and so it was an incredible time of realization that many are indeed hungry.

And a very favorite moment of mine was when Saturday night all was done and most were gone, it was just me and a few friends at a fire. They felt led to anoint me with oil . Quickly I ran inside to grab whatever oil I had and prepare my needed shower afterwards. Well, come to find in a deep moment of declaration where I'm receiving prophetic words from these God-lovers, that they were pouring a garlic-olive-oil mix on me. We were of course wondering what that smell was...it could have been the fragrance of the Lord, but turns out that I just grabbed what I could.

Not much to blog just yet because there is much to see and read at the site and that's been a lot of our focus. Go to
www.watchthenations.com

Home Sweet Hut

2007-05-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

Yep, I just moved across town. I left the suburbia-missions home I was in and am blessed by God to now live in this small hut. It's in a place of nature at the base of a mountain ridge, where monkeys roam free and on the other side of our mountain Zebra's and a few other grazing wonders are kept in a spacious reserve. As I set and make my campfire at night, the stars are plentiful, the peace is abundant, and the still atmosphere must have been made by the very One that said "be still and know." The beauty of this land preaches to me. This morning, I climbed the mountain, and there before my view was my city Rustenburg bordered by villages a bit north and finally the frontier of the entire north facing me. I began to declare praises over this land in a way that seemed almost easier when I could look at it all in it's massive entirety.

Sorry, I haven't put much on here, but as Abba is pleased I hope to put more on here regularly. Pray this week as I hope to embark to local village outreach in our area, adjoin with South Africans in radical pursuit of God in our prayer movement, and meet from home to home with brothers and sisters.

May His face Shine on you!
Nate

a new house

2007-04-08T02:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the new blog! The idea of this blog is renewal in our Christ-centered nature and radical pursuing and thirsty longing for the Spirit of the Lord. This is an "inside look" to the day to day life behind WTN.

This morning as I sat in the love of God and read the Words of His Book, I found myself desperately asking for wisdom, and so I went to the Proverbs. I studied all I could and read the first half of the entire book. I remember the words from James, "if any of you lack wisdom, you only need to ask." In this faith-season of life I am re-dedicated to learning. I actually in the process find how much needs to be re-written in me, re-made, re-thought. I then had a thought of my life a few seconds into eternity, and contemplated what my reflections at that point would be on the natural life behind me. I discovered, on that peak of thought, that I would be sad to have based my life on instructions that passed away, and not upon the only Word that lasts for billions and trillions of years.

"The LORD destroys the house of the proud, but He protects the property of widows." -Proverbs 15:25 I don't know if that would be popular wisdom. How do we apply such a verse? I would dare to say that if any work for the Lord is done without being dependent upon Him, that work will not stand.

Lord, let this house not be proud. Let us only depend upon You. So be it.

in Him
Nate